Tonight

The little just stands there and stairs at you.   You lean up again the bar and what else can you do but smile. She sees you for what you are.  You are big.  Large.  Unnaturally so.  She stares bc she has never seen anything like you before.  You just stand there.  What else can u do.  You can't hide.  Your out in the open and your exposed.  You pull the WW booklet out of your pocket and your up again.  It's been a month since you weighed in and your up. It's frustrating but you understand.  You had your belt on,  clothes on and your loop.  That's some of it. Your been so stressed it's effected your digestive system, but people don't want to know that, however here it is.  The fact is you continue to gain.  Whether it's a bunch of heavy work clothes or the fact you can't shit.  Your fat and the little girl stares at you because your fat.  Your an out cast.    The really fucked up thing is you control it.  You control it.  That's the thing you control it.  You fucking control it!  You don't control if it rains. You can't control it if the sun rises.  You can't control what happens around you.  You can't control who you see or who sees you Or who calls you or emails you or remembers you or wants to be with you.  You can control what you put in your mouth.  You can control that.  You can take control of that.  You can!  No.  You will!  You will!  Because you believe.  You believe because you know it's time.  It's time to be selfish.  It's time to put you first!  It's time to RISE!  I will not quit!  I will not end my war, I will finish this fight.  FOOD will be my ally to get me to my dark tower!  It will not be my enemy. I control my life!   I will RISE!