The Lord of War and Thunder

“Whoa, thought it was a nightmare,
Lo, it's all so true,
They told me, "Don't go walkin' slow
'Cause Devil's on the loose." Credence Clearwater Rival, "Run Through The Jungle"

“He's the wolf screaming lonely in the night
He's the blood stain on the stage
He's the tear in your eye
Been tempted by his lie
He's the knife in your back
He's rage”  Motley Crue, "Shot at the Devil"

Every journey is riddled with ups and downs.  Every day of trying to change the core of who and what you are is a challenge.  You slip up.  You make mistakes.  That is part of being human.  Life is a series of ups and downs and strikes and gutters. 

What is it though when you want to watch the world burn?  What is it when you have contempt in your heart?  What is it when you want to be a beacon of good positive energy, but all you are is rage? 

I guess at some point in time you have to pinpoint those things that make the wounds fester, swell and puss and avoid them.  However if the wound has festered too much maybe it is time to just amputate it.  The truth is as much as you try to brace yourself to deal with the nastiest that is surely to come, and the obstacles you are certain to face is in the face of true adversity will you stand and be true? 

If you a demon or your demon can you stand up to it?  Can you be willing to call it out on its bullshit and lies? 

At end game changes need to be made, plans have to be executed and cards have to be played.  

Are we all bluster, brimstone, and hell fire like a Lord of War and Thunder or are we something more? 

I say I want to get better but then I eat a donut.  Not three donuts, not four, but one and I feel guilty.  I feel like a failure. 

I try to add green delish, but it is very hard for me to do so.  Am I putting enough effort in?

So many things in flux and some many things I need to change.  Where do you start?

Hell I can’t even commit to being angry right now…

If it was easy then everyone would do it.  If it was easy we wouldn’t have a health issue on our hand.  I have to keep pushing forward and trying to fight the dark with light. 

I have to remember my day job is just that a job.  It is not what defines me.  I do it to pay the bills.  Most importantly with my skill set I have to remember that there are other worlds than these.

You have to just keep on keeping on.  When you fall you get back up.

Disappointed or not, happy or sad, it doesn’t matter because the world will move on from this point as well.  The only thing that really matters is when the time comes when you need to be true will you be.  Can I be true?  Or will I let the demons of my life have their way?  I actually refuse to be a page or pawn in someone else’s play book. 

Like the Black Reaper and the Sun, I to will rise.  I will rise above this moment.  This sadness.  I know I will because I always do.  Most likely is I will be on the way home tonight and I will start to dream.  Dream just a little dream.  The dream starts to flourish and I will be swept away to another world.  By the time I get home the cloud will lift.  When I see puppy doing her little puppy dance with claws on tile, I will smile.  I can’t help but smile when she does it.  Then I will find a way to laugh.  Laughter helps to keep the demons away. 

I will get better today.  I will better tomorrow and every day for the rest of this life.  I will do this because even when I am haunted, I still see the kid in the green shirt when I close my eyes.  I still see myself doing the impossible.  I see myself living the life I want and not the ones that they would have me pigeon holed into.  I see myself rising.  I see that and perhaps I am not all blow and bluster.  Empty promises and words.  Perhaps I am not the Lord of War and Thunder.  Perhaps, I am a small ray of light in a sea of darkness.  Perhaps the ray will reach out and spread and glow and rise like the sun.