So why are you so mad?

“Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.”  ~Albert Einstein

“He who angers you conquers you.”  ~Elizabeth Kenny

“To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves.” ~Alexander Pope

 

Rage and anger will be my downfall.  I can’t help it.  I am an angry person.  Instead of burning this anger, I take it out on myself.  Eating Granola in the middle of the night is done because I am angry at myself.  Sneaking a piece of candy at work is hurting myself because I am upset and don’t believe things will ever change.  Sitting around and snacking while eating because I am upset. 

Let’s get one thing straight, I am hard on myself.    Did I have a tootsie roll today at work yes.  Did I eat the pita chips yesterday yes, and did I get up the last two nights and eat granola, yes.  However, I still have eaten less this week than two weeks ago.  So perhaps I shouldn’t be angry, or in a rage but I am. 

Things just suck sometimes.  I focus on the suck.  I am still not moving like I would like to so I get angry.  I have trouble moving still.  Then I wonder why people wouldn’t want to spend time with me. 

Rage and anger.  Sometimes I just want to stop and scream.  I want to understand why things don’t always go my way. I want howl at the moon and lash out in frustration. 

I get down. I get really down.  However, the amount of time it takes to pick myself up is less and less.  I am still fighting the good fight.  I am inspiring people.  I know they have told me.  I am inspiring people at 470 pounds to go out and get healthy.  Really?  Yes.   

So why are you so mad?

I don’t know.  I can’t say.  This is going no were.  Can we make this positive?  I don’t know.  I am an angry man.  I fail because I am angry.  I fail because I put myself in none winnable situations.  I fail because I don’t really think I believe I can win.  I do this because I am mad.  I am mad I have not fully let go.  I am mad because other people own so much space in my head. 

How do I stop this?  I write it down. I share it.   I blog.  I journal. I try. 

Moving.  I need to move. I need to walk.  I need to swim. I need to walk and swim.  I need to get back to the basics.  I can do this!  I am doing this.