“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side.
Or you don't.”
― Stephen King, The Stand
He looked at the
mask he held in his left hand and smiled.
The masked traveled every with him now.
This mask had become the symbol for his entire life. The paper white mask was shaped like a curved
shield. Most people found this mask was
creepy, however, he found it comforting.
The eyes of the mask were black almond slits he could see his tri bag
through. The right had a purple light
bolt crashing through the eye whole. The
mouth was a red slit went across the bottom of the shield and were it touched
the sides the shield started to curve down to a point.
He loved this
mask. He loved what it represented to
him. Not only was it a gift from a
friend and his wife. How many of their
gifts were with him. Two, he knew the
answer and those two gifts went everywhere with him. The Garmin he would put on shortly which
tracked him swims and he swam everywhere he went. Also, he took the mask with him as a reminder
of what all he had accomplished and how far he had come down the path of the
beam. He didn’t deserve either
gift. Did he? Really?
After all he was an immature asshole of the highest possible order. He had acted foolishly so many time. However his friend always stood by him and
when he finally did it. When finally got
to his true goal he was rewarded with this mask. The same mask he wore on the back of his left
shoulder. His friend understood his dual
nature and had stood by his side. As
hard as he had made it to do so. No,
that wasn’t quite right was it? Because
it wasn’t really him that had acted that way, no, that was a different man, who
had lead a different life. One who was
afraid to live the life he was now living.
One who was afraid to stand and be true.
So he was how had he put it so many times an immature asshole of the
highest order, yes he had been that man, but he wasn’t any longer.
The mask he held in
his left hand was representative of the man he had become, not the one he left
behind. He received by mail, and it all
that was in the package was the mask; god only knew where they had actually
found it and a single piece of paper.
The paper was a picture of the Black Reaper and written across the
bottom in read a single word: RISEN.
Then he saw the mask. He smiled
and laughed. Well played friend, well played,
indeed.
The mask was
received three weeks to the day he had gotten notice from FedEx that his
package had been delivered. His package
though didn’t contain a mask. The same
exact picture, but no mask, well the picture wasn’t really the exact same
because he had written the word Rise, and his friend added the “N”. It made sense. He had risen.
The book he had sent to his old friend had been proof of that.
The book was his
book, his first published novel. He had
order 12 hard backs and he had signed all 12 and sent them to the people he
believed had most influenced his transformation. He remembered the day he had decided to start
writing it. He had finally changed his diet;
a person who cooked for you helped that.
He was in the car heading to a job he hated and he kept telling himself
write what you know. He had a great
story he wanted to tell about doing an ironman, but he didn’t know that because
he had never done the distance. So he
thought about writing a story about an
ex FBI agent who went back to Indiana after years of living in California only
to find out he was being haunted by serial killer and his past. Well he knew nothing of being a cop, a serial
killer, or moving back to Indiana, so he passed on that. What did he know? He knew about being a fat man. He knew about doing triathlons. He also knew about the one weekend he was
king of the PG triathlon. When he doubled
down in 2011 and did not only the Olympic on Saturday but the Sprint on
Sunday. It was one of the greatest weekends
of his life. He knew how far he had come
with his blog, with his life and he had always wanted to tell this story. So, he started writing. The story changed over time. It wasn’t only about that weekend about how
the weekend and the dedication to it helped him change his life and lose
weight. The book became so much more
than he ever thought it could be. The
result was “Lost in Transition” and it got picked up and published.
He looked at the
mask and thought about how much his life had changed. 200 lbs lighter than when he started that
novel. Instead of doing 12 Tri’s he had
now done 30. Now here he was five years
after his first double dip. He was in
Hilo, getting ready to do another triathlon, which was his life now. He set the mask aside. He wouldn’t need it. Not for swimming. He would take the watch though. An open water swim at James Kealoha Beach, it
was his one of his favorite swims. He
set the mask down in the box he carried it in.
He brushed his sun
kissed hair out of his face and pulled his bangs back into a pony tail and
rubbed his smooth checks. He liked the
smooth feeling. He had worn a beard for
so long. It was good to feel his actual
face. He still wore his chin pubes. He
just felt naked without them. He had
been clean shaven for exactly 1 week.
The week he went from 301 pounds to 297.
He was amazed how as his beard fell away the rest of the weight seemed
to melt off. Now he was 227 pounds and his life was amazing. Low blood pressure, the ability to move, fit
in a plan seat, and ride roller coaster you name it he could do. He was alive.
He straightened and
stretched and loud out a screech that was half yell and half yawn. Then he burst out laughing and said to
himself, what the fuck was that. That is
when he heard the voice ask him “Are you ok?”
He turned to the voice to see who it was attached to.
The dirty blonde was
cute, really cute. Her smile was big and
show lots of pearly whites that were below high cheekbones. These flanked a droopy tipped nose that was
actually quite cute. Her eyes were deep
blue of the ocean. She was really cute,
but also really familiar. He had known
her in his former life. They had been
teammates on his first tri or second tri team.
More importantly they had been matched on a dating sight and she had
shut him down immediately. Different
man, different life he said to himself.
It was true.
Her voice pulled him
out of his thought “that was a funny nose, are you ok?”
The smile had
changed from big toothy one to a small quirky one. One he saw a lot anymore. It was a koi smile. He giggled to himself about home many women he
got that smile from these days.
“Ya” He said turning and facing her “Ya, I am
fine, thanks. Just getting ready to go
into the water.”
“You here for the
snorkeling?” she asked, did she just give him a once over?
“No, actually, no I
am not. I am here to just swim the
course?”
“Oh, you are racing
tomorrow?” She asked her smile started
to grow again.
“Ya. I love this race. It will be my third.”
“Awesome, it is my first
time doing Hilo.” She smiled again a big
toothy one “I am Kelly by the way.”
He laughed out
loud. He couldn’t help it. He loved when this happened. It has happened so many times lately. He smiled and look back at her.
“I know. We have met.”
Her face turned into a question and was the embarrassment as well?
“Don’t sweat it. I get this all the
time. We actually did TNT together, Pac
Grove I think.” Her eyes studied him and
questioned.
“Really?” she asked.
“Ya. My name is
Billy b!” He extended his hand and
smiled.
“OMG! No.”
OMG yes he thought to himself, “Really?”
He finally saw it. That look he
loved, that moment of final recognition.
“OMG.” Wait for it. “You look GREAT!”
He didn’t really
consider himself a vain man. He wasn’t
mister GQ, he would go jeans, button, and jacket to get dressed up. He drove a Volt. He wasn’t flashy. He wasn’t an ego maniac, but he loved hearing
that. He loved hearing not just because
he knew he looked great but because like the book, like the mask, it was confirmation
that this was real. The transformation
was real. She moved over and hugged
him. “Wow! Look at you!”
“Amazing what eating
right, swimming, and a little self-esteem can do.” It was his response. IT always was. Wasn’t that the overall message behind “Lost
in Transition”? Wasn’t that how he got
here in the first place from 476 lbs to 227 lbs? Yes it was.
Well the game of Triathlon fit in
there too. He knew Triathletes weren’t
born or breed they were made through hard work and dedication.
He also answered
that way so it would stop them from asking the awkward questions. The questions like did you have surgery? How did you do it? What is your secret? He has heard them all. He took them all during his talks. Yes that is what he called his paid
speeches. His talks! He loved the lecture circuit and it is like
his old buddy Timmy has said to him once, everyone loves a good weight loss
story. They did.
More importantly he
loved the life he was able to lead now as a healthy man. The look and feel of the a healthy clean body
he had visualized and achieved made him proud. The freedom having a healthy
mind and body was truly liberating.
Then there was the
use of his gift. He wrote every day
now. He had ever since he started his
blog. His gift flourished much like his
body and mind as it was trained, loved and nurtured. “Lost in Transition” had sold more than even
his considerable imagination would conceive.
“Iron Dreams” was in re-write but would be published early next year, he
loved that story. The concept for “Song of a Deadman” was well
received and he was almost to conclusion on it.
However, his crown jewel to date “Sherri” would be released on August 2
of this year. Yes, he had nurtured his gift
and now it was nurturing him.
Mind, body, and
career he wanted. His life was exactly
what he wanted.
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