It doesn't sound like much. However, considering yesterday it's a huge feet.
Call it a hang over from paradise, call it sleep deprivation, call it depression, lack of motivation, hope, call it whatever you, I call it whatever you want, I call it Enter Hypnos.
Hypnos, is the Greek God of sleep.
My day went like this yesterday! Get off plane on Sunday. Come home eat in and out. Talk w Roomie and then go to bed.
You sleep soundless and through the night for the first time in a week. It's dreamless as far as you know bc you don't remember any. You wake at 9:30 and check your text and email. Rommate has texted dog, walked, pee'd, and poo'ed. You get up walk to door open and puppy comes running in. You tell it night night and she goes and gets into bed. You look at your email. The only account on your phone right now is your gmail, you get excited you open it, it's from people for bikes, when did I sign up for that shit? You close your phone and you mask up and then you sleep again.
When you get up at 11:40 the dog wants to play. She won't let you get to the door to go get coffee. She is happy to see u. It melts your heart a bit. It's also a tad annoying bc you can't take her unless u do drive thru and you don't want m's. You spend ten minutes trying to convince her you'll be back, but the wines and whimpers get the best of you and she gets in the car first and sits down in her seat. Your not going to M's, so you say fuck I'll go to in and out again. So you do and puppy loved the ride.
You get on a work call about 1:30 bc your boy needs you and that is what a good boss does is support his peeps in need. It's an easy call and he really just needs to hear he has nailed the issue. Been there done that. You check your email again, there is nothing.
You watch some burn notice. It's a good show. You laugh to your self about the one time that boss of yours hired a guy who looked like Michael's mom. It makes you laugh. You think about the old days. They weren't any better but the people were.
It's almost 2 and you decide it's time for a nap. You sleep peacefully until 4. You don't want to get up but you should.
You watch more burn notice and check your email. Nothing. So you watch burn notice till you get hungry and ask yourself what is better for you pizza or Chinese? You sat Chinese but is it? Are you really hungry? You order little hunan. They got good food. You go sweat and sour and rice bc that feels more island like. Whatever the fuck that means? It's all garbage.
You finish. You feel like shit. You do te worst thing you could do you start to think. You don't want to think. Thinking is bad!
It's almost 9, you check your email and Facebook. Nothing. A few likes on some puppy pics. You tell puppy it's time for bed. So by 9:15 your back in bed, by 10 your in dream land.
Your up at 2:15 and you play on your iPad for 45 minutes wishing you hadn't eaten shit all day and wasted your time off. You promise that today will be a new and better day. We will get shit done. We will have a good use of time. You go back to sleep.
When you get up at nine you wonder about the fuck up dreams you had. A work out challenge with your family. Where your trying to explain to them that your not doing as much as them but your still movin and isn't that the point and they just look at you and say same old Billy. Then you have a dream about the frat house. You coming home and back to school but no-one respected you and no one saved you a room or a place to sleep. They out you in with the losers. Finally, the dream about a new pet. It's a cross between a kitty and a puppy, and it turns red if you touch it to much like it's going to explode, only to find out it was sick bc it are your pink socks and the. Pooped then out whole, and your like what the fuck is wrong with me.
You get up and your realize maybe it's all been a lie. Maybe nothing has changed. Maybe sleep and eat us all you know. You don't want to be healthy, you just want people to think you do. This isn't a relapse, it is just what you are.
You tell yourself that isn't the case. You see the sun outside and long for it! You need it, you want it. You decide we will make a list and get shit done today finishing w the reaper writing. Yesterday we rested bc Hypnos said we needed to. Our enormous body said it was exhausted after travel and playing nice. I have 3 days to myself and I can do whatever I want! It's my time and my life. I'm the only one I have to answer too.
I choose to figure today how to get better for tomorrow and the future. Because that is what I love and dream of.
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