Eventually we all see the writing on the wall. Things change, feelings change, believes etc all things follow the wheel of KA and things change. The world moved on as they say. It moves on. Sometimes it's good change and some times you question it and ask yourself why. However there is nothing we can do but look in the mirror and accept ourselves and the only thing we control is our actions and what we choose to do or not to do. Everything else is what it is. I get it. I really do. I'm a complicated and complex person and actually really slow to make change and accept things. However I accept this. I get it. Time to let go of the past it was a fools dream anyway I guess. Maybe things just happen and it's not for a reason. Anyway... I'm rambling. The truth is I really do understand. It's hard. And sometimes you don't know what to say. Sometimes you feel like you've said to much, or said it at the wrong moment. It's easier to say nothing than to say something. You don't want to be a distraction or a burden. I get it. We a take the path of least resistance. It's the easiest path. However nothing worth truly having is ever easy or doesn't require work. Sometimes you have to take a risk and risk being hurt or humiliated to get what you want. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith in some one. To hope when you vulnerable they will have the best of intentions. Yes it's hard, it's scary, but it's worth it to. Everyday I log into my blog and I do it not to see who is reading, not to get published, or laid or even approval, I do it to put it out there. To share in my terrifying journey of self discovery. This blog has caused me friends, jobs, family, but it has given me so much. I'm not afraid anymore. I can admit it and be proud of who and what I am. My name is Billy b, I'm fat, sickly so, I am a recovering obsessive compulsive (my ritual was prayer, ya right? And obsession), I'm an alcoholic, I have a eating disorder, I have anxiety issues and anger management issues and that just the tip of the iceberg, however even with a that I'm fucking beautiful. I'm smart, I'm funny (ridiculously so), my work ethic has no rival (thanks Doc), my heart is so big and wants nothing but to love and give and I've been bless with a beautiful mind. I'm yin and yang. I'm hero and villain. I'm both alive and a ghost. Most of all I'm worth it and so is my blog and my cause and my journey. I'm worth risk. I'm loyal like a dog, and I'll never betray u. This is who and what I am. However I understand that hard to see. So wait, I'll proof it to you! The world is beautiful. I'll go enjoy it now.
Btw day 1 of Tyson's food was fucking awesome! I loved it'. This week is gonna be awesome! It's time to rise'
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