Sometimes not even the Reaper can RISE!

Sometimes not even the Reaper can RISE!

It was supposed to be a two blog day.  Yesterday I mean.  It wasn't.  It was a leaving of the office late kind of day.  

There has been so much stress and anxiety in my life lately and a lot of it is going through a type of mid-life crisis.  I've actually made myself sick with worry.  Lots over some very simple questions:

- what do I want out of life

- what do I want to do when I grow up

- how do I out myself first

- why do I keep eating

- what's wrong with me

- am I getting enough out of life

Ever since vacation ended I have had a weight sitting on the upper left side of my chest.  It's a constant pull and tug.  Me being an anxious person starts thinking heart attack.  Then I start to wonder if I am breathing right?  Then all the sudden I don't think so.  So if conflict comes my way the pulling in the chest gets tighter and tighter and I can't sit still and I want to scream because I feel like I am going to explode and the my head starts hurting and then... I come home.  I eat.  I walk puppy.  I sleep.  I feel better.  Then it starts all over again from the time I wake up.  I get sick to my tummy.  I try to sleep but I just lay in bed and kick.  Then I try to use the bathroom and I can't.  I text my boss and say I'm not feeling well I'll be late.  I'm late usually half the week these days.  I'm in bed for 9 hours but sleep maybe 6.  

I take a few deep breaths and I say today is gonna be a good day.  Drop a few pounds and your gonna stop having these panic attacks and anxiety.  Keep walking puppy you'll feel better.  

I have my heart rate monitor so wear it, prove to yourself the ticker is working.

Your working w Tyson on your food and drink.  

You have your Loop and damn it is cool.  Maybe to loose still but cool.

You move once a day. Baby steps, baby steps.  Your building from the ground up.  A new foundation for a new healthy life.

Things change.  They always do.  It's life.  And the only thing you can control is yourself.

You feel bad though b/c the Black Reaper didn't rise yesterday.  You let yourself down.  Write it today or tomorrow what is a day or two?  

You see Sue today.  That will help.

You know you'll end up writing about the Reaper bc in your heart you believe, the world is changing and now your putting forward the best Billy b possible.  

So take life one day, one step, one moment at a time.  Chin up!  You will rise!  You always do.  

Things will be better today because in your heart you know it to be true and in your mind.