Why I failed...

Why I failed...

I failed because I wasn't ready to succeed. I failed because I have to understand where I've been to understand how I get to where I am going. Today is the day. The deadline is here and I failed and I couldn't be happier! That's right. Today sucks. I hate today. I always will. It's Friday 1/31/14 and I'm losing something today I don't have words to express the grief, the anger, the loss. Then I also missed my goals down 25 lbs , 60 meters swam. I'm up 2 from where I wrote the goals and I swam twice this month. But I'm better! I'm better today. I'm better because I get it now. Some how. Some way. I get it. That doesn't mean I cant be sad today after all I am not good at good byes. I better though. No I still don't have what I want. But I'm better and closer. I will celebrate my victories as much as my defeats. I will continue on the path. Knowing I'm better. Knowing the tower is closer. Knowing I have decided to stand and be true. I'm not perfect. I'm still haunted by the black dread, the song of a dead man rings in my ears, but I walk on at one with where if been, so I can no where to go. I know I might fall down today, but I'll get back up. I know I might fall again tomorrow but I'll get back up. I failed because I wasn't ready. I failed because you have to know defeat to appreciate victory. There can be no great love without great loss. How can you know your happy if there is no sad. How do you really know winning unless you've lost first. So see me. See me on my bike leaning over the handle bars and my legs are pumping me along. See my thin trim body moving that bike along. See the veins pop from my legs as I start up hill. I'm not afraid of uphill now because I'm carrying 185 lbs not 450. See me drop El Beav. God what a day that will be. See me my pleasure and pain bc hills suck but I love it. See me at the top and see smile. I'm going to win. Because I'm ready to win. Come with me and enjoy the ride!