Twelve Sausage Biscuits

Maybe it's a sign of surrender? Maybe it's a sign of being depressed. Maybe it's just the path of least resistance. However ever morning when I leave the house I go to M's. Mainly because I get up

To late to make my own coffee, the. When I'm there two sausage biscuits please and I wonder why my face is broken out with a zit beard. I don't know why I do it every morning. My excuse is I log the points and I don't diet anymore. Probably same reason after Rachel goes to bed I house a couple candy bars. The last few weeks have been harder than most. The world is changing again, and in my weak mind i think my body is saying hey your not big enough yet! People still are forgetting about you! Wow, what does that mean? I don't know I'm not Freud. I think part of my size is linked to the fear of being abandon or forgotten. In my mind I feel like everyone has left me or forgotten me. Is that true probably not, but how can you tell the subconscious that? When you have so many weak feelings? Why did I always feel like is be taken or forgotten? What is that? It might explain a recurring dream I've been having. I'm in college still, but I either return from the summer or abroad and all my fraternity brothers have forgotten me. All there lives marched on without me. They even did a movie without me and it went big time. These were suppose to be my fiends how could they forget me? How could you do a movie with out Billy the Kid? I'm the perfect character funny, a little evil, mischievous, and love able. So how do you make a movie that goes gang busters without me? How do you not need me. Gabe and I have talked a lot over the last few weeks about how if u was in a tv show I'd be the season 1 villain but by season 2 I'd be working with the good guys as a reformed hero, and season 3 I'd be the anti-hero. Think Spike from Buffy, perhaps. Anyway. The question remains how could the forget me and not include me? So I think my brain translate maybe they can't see you. So I try to make it so I can't be missed. Think about the asshole. Isn't it sort of the same? Isn't all my hate, making and silent treatment a way of me just showing that it does matter when I'm their? Perhaps I need to see sue and hold palaver on this. Because I might just get it.