How do you pick up the pieces of a broken life?

How do you pick up the pieces of a broken life?  That's what I woke up asking myself today.  5:05 a.m. and my little brain is already fast at work. Asking, the question that I be a rich man if I could always answer.  How? I've had a life riddles with fleeting

moments of greatness.  However for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.  Some reason for me that reaction is some what stronger than the positive and I find myself reeling backwards.   

If I truly accept myself as I am right now, then must I not take the good with the bad?

How?  Does one move forward?  How does one make decision they are tired of living a life not worthy of them?  And what does one do about it?

I held long palaver with A yesterday. We covered many topics , but she said something to me that stuck.  She has seen me to amazing things. She saw me last spring commit to a lifestyle and I lost 35 lbs.  she saw me commit to a swim goal that produced thousands of meters.  The point is the discipline is there and will power is there.  I'm capable of changing things.  I have the tools.  

I found myself telling her I've tried all the diets, why don't we try one thing I've never tried with myself.  Unconditional love.  Why do I  not love the man under the fat?  Under the anger?  Under the hate?  Why do I not love the man so many others seem to?  So, this leads back to how?  How do you pick up the pieces of a life you broke?  

I will admit I'm scared.  I'm 38 and I'm playing a game of high stakes poker, not with the mob, or bookies, but The Reaper himself.  I look back over a life of ups and downs and strikes and gutters and I see how I got to the table.  I see the only true villain in this story is the man playing withe The Reaper.  A man whose heart was so big and loved everyone else but himself.  A kid who thought his job was to fix the world, when he wasn't sure how to fix himself.  A kid that felt more alive by himself on his swing traveling in worlds other than these.  In the end I failed myslef.  So how do I fix myself?  

I don't know how I do it.  What I do know is I have to keep doing what I love to do.  I have to get back to the swim.  I have to keep writing more.  Kody Ransom deserves to have hit tale spun. I need to smile and believe that this blog can do what I set out for it to do, safe my life.  So I do what I know.  I get back outside and I walk.  Billy b the walker of halves, can barely hobble to lunch these days, but I got to get back on it.  Most importantly i have to reprogram my mind.  I have to deal with the issues I keep running from: job, depression, angry, self love, and addiction z. I have to love myself unconditionally.  How else can you fix a broken life?