Lies

If you tell a lie enough does it become truth?  Exactly how many times do you have to tell that lie for it to feel true?  At what point does the lie impact your reality?  Is it the point when you can’t look people in the eye anymore and when you tell it you have to look away?  I know about lying.  I do it a lot.  Well I make shit up a lot, not sure if that is the same as a lie.  However, I have told myself lies over and over again over the last 38 years.  The beautiful thing is with our animal brain and subconscious we eventually can learn to believe the lie.  If we feed the under brain enough of the lie and we rationalize it just enough to make ourselves feel good about it.  However, I think in our heart we still know it is a lie.  I have told so many lies in my life sometimes I forget the line of truth and lie.  Perhaps it is part of being a tail spinner.  Sometimes I am a good liar and sometimes I am not.  In fact one of the greatest compliments I ever got was from Lemonpeel Angel Fish here self she said to another team in training mentor “you know how you know that bill is lying?  His lips are moving.”  Strange I find that complimentary.  However, I think it is because I am a tale spinner.  However, we are talking about spinning tales right now we are talking about the lie.  The lies we tell.  The lie we tell our peers, or friends, or family.  The lie we hope to believe.  When you walk around with your head down and not looking at people, it’s because you’re trying so hard to believe the lie.  You want so bad to believe it is all ok.  Well it isn’t and it never will be.  You can’t build something on a lie.  Because even if you try to fool the subconscious on some level it will know it’s a lie and you will always know it is a lie.  So try, sit there and try to tell the lie.  Try it.  It will haunt you though.  Foundations built on lies aren’t solid.  So step one is to be honest.  God that terrifies me because I know for sure that I am not going to like what I see when I lift the lie.  Its time see things for how and what they truly are.  We can’t keep running from things.  We have to start running to things.  Does this resonate?  Does it make sense?  Do you feel this?  I think I do.  The truth is I am not ok.  I think I have made it quite clear I am terrified.  However, the world is changing.  I can’t stop that now.  I don’t want to.  I am not going to come out of this the same person I go in, and I know that is a truth.