Funny thing is this is not the blog, I thought I would be writing right now

Funny thing is this is not the blog, I thought I would be writing right now.  I was convinced after my hate filled rant last night, my next blog would be about Rock Bottom.  I want to check off a couple of things though.  First why was last night so raw and hateful?  This is because, I wrote it in the moment?  It was raw and unrefined because I typed as I felt and felt what I typed.  I tried to live and share that very moment of my life with the reader.  Did I succeed?  Did I fail?  Who knows and who cares.  That isn’t really the point of this.  It’s an attempt at a hack writer trying to explain his method of dealing with pain.  For anyone who knows me don’t you prefer I hash it out on paper rather than a drive thru.  Aren’t we happy I went into my bedroom and typed instead of going to 7-11 and getting the coors and camels?  Aren’t we glad a pizza an entire large pizza, order of sticks, and 2 liter of coke weren’t downed?  Did we grow last night?  Maybe we did?

I know I grew today.  I know it because I see it in my actions and what I do.  I am starting to wonder if Sue isn’t just a therapist but an angel as well.  Two Friday’s in a row I have gone there in a rage.  I was the God of War and Thunder both times and two Friday’s I came out with hope.  Knowing that even though sometimes I fail and I fail big big, that even in that failure isn’t always a loss. 

Sue always helps me see both sides of the coin.  She is a voice of reason in a world rule by … wait for it,  The Lord of Chaos…. She isn’t the only voice of reason in my life.  Far from it as I am surrounded by lots of people who actually see more than I do.  I could do the list but I know I would forget someone and then I would feel bad, but YOU people know exactly who you are. 

Anyway… although I am tired and things seem out of sort, the fog has cleared.  I am not longer living in a nightmare.  I think it is good to scream at Sue for an hour.  Huge help.  Actually it is dealing with the anger.  Sue and I agree that anger is the friend of over eating and depression.  I wish I could say I am not someone who has to deal with depression but I am.  So, next week will talk about ways to coup with it.  I personally think I need to kick the shit out of the 2 foot doll she has under her desk, that was eye balling me today during our session.  Not to mention the fucking turtle that told me I looked like Jaba the hutt.  I am gonna get that hard shell mother fucker… I also suggest getting to pull Shiner’s tail five times a day.  I don’t know why I like to pull the dog’s tail b/c then she chases it.  I also think I should get a video camera and tape myself getting out of my car and yelling at some random shit, like a parking meter or a tree. 

Don't get me wrong  I am not in as good of a mood this Friday afternoon as last, then again, I am not getting text messages and actually have to pay attention in my meetings...

Anyway… have a great weekend!  Long days and pleasant nights….