Thank goodness January is over... what a month. It was full of ups and downs and strikes and gutters. We made it. We came out of it better than we went in. Probably not thinner. No not that. Probably not in better shape. However, we did come out of it better. We are smarter now. We are wiser. We see the bigger picture.
Sometimes life isn't always about us. Sometimes we have to let go of our personal feelings and what we perceive or don't perceive as slights. We have to stand and be true. We have to become the person we were born to be. I am getting that now. I am getting how important it is to stand an be true.
The truth is I am angry. I have some rage built up in side and I need to let it go. I have to find the source of the anger. I think I have pin point it down to four sins. My four sins. Perhaps in time, I will be able to write about them. What I can say is this.... they really aren't that bad. The worst, is how and who I can be. Never think I am gentle giant. That I am a coward and only passive aggressive. Because I am not. I have a tongue like a razor, you know a sweet switch blade knife, love you GNR. Also I can turn on you. I used to be known in some circles as the meanest rattlesnake in the valley, because the truth is I can be. I have an acid tongue. Anyway, the truth is my sins aren't bad an certainly aren't worth destroying a life over. No, not a life, my life. I all these sins happened in a misspent youth but all before my great fall. I never really forgave myself for these things. Just like I never forgave myself for getting sick in Europe and never properly dealing with things. So, little by little, every day since 1997 I have been adding pounds. I have been walling off. making sure I am never in a position to repeat these sins. making sure that no one can ever get to the real me. The one who hides. Well... It's time to forgive myself. It wasn't all my fault. Even the things that are really is a sign of immaturity and lack of respect for myself and others. These aren't things to be punished for, but to learn and get better and stronger from. The time for punishment and being ashamed has passed. The time for forgiveness is here. Bill Burkle is gone. Billy b is here. It is time for the boy to become a man.
It times.... The Lord of Chaos no longer rules here. No, hope rules here. Faith. Not faith in any deity. No faith in me. Faith in my body and mind. Faith in Billy b. Faith in knowing we can make the impossible possible. That we can not only dream our dreams but live them. That we don't ever give up on anything, b/c you never know where KA will take you. So, we put this all behind us. We take baby steps towards a life of purpose for us. We take steps becoming the person we were born to be. We start telling the great story of how to safe a life right now. I know how this story ends. I know it because I have seen it in the eye of my mind. Can you see it? Can you see the finish line. The man who lives inside the walls of fat coming out. Do you see him? I do, and you will too. Come with me. Join me on the journey... Stand with me and be true!
p.s. Happy Birthday Dinger! My baby brother is 36 today. He has always been the biggest pain in my ass, but one I could never live without. Love you Ding! Have many more!!!!
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