3 in a row...

Three nights in a row I have taken puppy for a walk :)

It sounds dumb.  

It's not.

I used to be an athlete.  However some where along the line I gave that up.  

It's hard.  Not walking the dog, just walking.  

I used to walk every day.  Why did I stop?  The answer to that is the same as to why I got so big to begin with.  There are many reasons good and bad.  They won't make sense to you.  I know this because most of them don't make sense to me.  

I'm here though.  Almost everyday, trying to understand.  Being honest and trying to find that which makes me what I am.

I know, I know, I should just be disaplined and stop bitching.  My god if it where so easy don't you think in would have?

Something broke in me along the way.  I'll never be able to fix that.  That person and that life are gone.  I'm left with only this person and the life I am building.  So I will never know for sure what and why it all went to hell in a hand basket.  I just no it did and as I turn over the rocks in my mind searching for answers, I also start to look forward again.  Knowing that there is hope.  Knowing that I will find my way.  

So three walks in three days I'll take it.  I'll be sore tomorrow but a good sore.  Walking puppy makes me happy.  The goal will eventually be two walks a day a morning and night one will be an hour and the other whatever I can give.  My body though broken and hobbled by my own hand is not done yet.  There is hope.      

I'm hopeful.

Rachel and I are going to plan next week this weekend.  Meals and workouts.  It's a start and a good thing.  She needs to work more at night and I have to get back to my first love in life, the pool.  Our nights of big dinners and non-stop Shawn and Gus are behind us.  Small dinners, juices, and shakes are our new path.  We will become grazers.  I still see green delicious in my mind all the time.  I crazy it, want it.  Still getting a green a day.  Baby steps.  Baby steps.

So it's goes on.  Each day I get a little better, and each day my mind gets stronger and stronger.  I keepy visual meditations going morning and night.

Three days in a row I walked the Puppy and it feels good. :)