Not a lot to say...

Not a lot to say...

It's rare when I don't have a lot to say. The last few days I just haven't and I wonder why. I don't think anyone wants to hear how I'm working from tomorrow and on dog duty for the next few days. My fiction doesn't seem to inspire anyone and I haven't done anything note worthy. I visualize at night. I see the guy in the green shirt. I get up early and visualize then too. I see the person who is going to do great things, then I wonder why I don't do them. I know each journey has it highs and lows and right now I'm in a valley not on a peak. It's just the way of things. This journey isn't easy. If it was simple then I'd already have fixed it and moved on. I found myself asking a question the other day, what's left of me after I lose weight? What happens when your the one thing everyone who knows you or sees you think is gone? What's left of me? Will I be forgotten? Will I be left alone? A friend once told me you come into this world the same way you leave it, alone, so what's the big deal? I don't know. I don't know. I often wonder what a baby and whiner I must sound like on here. Always with the bitching and what if 's. I don't have a terrible life, so why are you such baby? Again I don't know. Just like I don't understand why I lost my mind at 21, or why I eat when I'm not hungry, or why their is nothing in the world I love more than swimming but I don't swim anymore. I don't know a lot of things. I spend 1/2 hour a day on positive visualization and I'm still a train wreck, then how fucked up must I be? I know you can't think like this, but sometimes I wonder. To many questions. Not enough answers. Tomorrow a new day. So, I guess it's time to visualize now...