"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them."

"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them." As translated from the one ring.

Tolkien's wrote for the most part all that has ever needed to be written on rings.   So, when I spin my small tale about rings, I know I do it in the shadows of the master.   Is never compare myself to the Master of all epic tales that would be foolish, he is a god to all of us geeks everywhere?  I'm, a guy with a crappy blog, and a lot of bad ideas rattling around in bag of cats I call my brain.  

Well these days the only time I where a ring these days is when I swim.  It's not like my days in San Francisco and NetIQ where I wore five rings. It was six but we will get to the ring of wisdom in due time.

Yes, I said I where a ring when I swim.     It is a special ring, a red and grey one.  It's amazing.   It keeps time and each time you click it tucks off a lap.  It's made by sportcounter and I'm convinced that next to the toilet seat cover, and the waterproof iPod it's the greatest invention ever.  I have become so used to swimming with this ring on the index finger of my right hand that even when I swim with out it and I touch the wall my thumb instinctively moves to tick off the lap.   I'm dead serious I can't touch a pool wall without thumb pressing index finger.  People laugh at it, ask what it is, think I'm silly because I wear it.   

However with all these great traits its most important ability is the one that keeps you honest.  Yes, that is what I said a ring that won't let you lie, well it sounds magically doesn't it? Well it will let you lie to others; I've told many lies while wearing it.   Like yes coach, I did my cycling, when I didn't.  Or yes coach, I'm going to walk six miles on my own after this swim, and I didn't.  However this ring won't let you lie to yourself.  Now be honest have you ever swam laps?  If the answer to this is no, don't be an idiot anymore, start swimming.   The pool is great for the mind, body, and soul.  And for you skinny fuckers it’s hard because you sink.  Ha it's one thing a fatty like me is better at than you.  For example Rachel can run circles around me, but put us in the pool and I'll smoke her.  So do it!  Swim baby!  It's awesome.  The truth is while swimming laps you have to count.  100's 50's 3 x 75 etc... And anyone who does this knows that in-evidently you will lose count.  You'll be like I swam 4 x 100 and the person behind you will be like no you only did 300.  You lose count.  It happens all the time.   You don't mean to cheat but it's hard.   Count your strokes on a 100 (4 laps, assuming a lap is one length of the pool) you get confused.  I don't know how many time I thought I've done a 300 and the ring tells me no no no stupid head that 250 now get your ass off the wall and finish it!  The point is this ring kicks ass!  It's amazing a well.  Today, when I went to swim, it was gone.  Noooooo!  Oh the humanity, my ring, my special ring, was gone.  On a day I was swimming a 1600 Noooooo.  I ran to my bag and dumped it.  I found granola bar wrappers, chip wrappers (the fucking vending machine at the club takes credit cards, and well I get hungry after a swim), bottle caps, but no ring.  As I was cussing my damn luck, I remembered something I'd d either in the LOTR movies or the book.  That rings have a will of their own.   Which always makes me think back to San Francisco in the early 00's. 

As I said back in the days I wore lots of rings.  Silver rings.  I dug it.  Silver is more my style.  Where my dad lovers to drip himself in gold, his son, likes a metal that conduct a little more electricity.  So, I wore six rings.  Two thumb rings, that is right, I wore the thumb rings, I could pull it off.  Two pinky rings. One ring on my right ring finger, and then the sixth of course went onto right index finger.  This ring was special.  I got in Colorado in steamboat springs.  It was celtic knot and I had to bend it a little to fit just right on my finger.  I got it when I was twenty-one.  I remember I also bought a pinky ring that day which had kokopeli on it.  I never got to wear that ring.  Fucking Garrison, you better still have it.  Thief.  Also thumb ring, which I don’t recall what that was; I know I sold it, to Dorothy during a gold party.  Hmmm.  Strange.  I also bought a hat that day.  A really special hat that I wore all of once before giving it to Stevie Q to wear during his shows.  I don’t think he ever did.  So basically that hat was a waist, but damn did it look cool.  Think Blues Traveler Lead singer hat but in a brown.  Anyway, the ring that was bent to my right index finger became know as the wring of wisdom.  It was with me when some how I pulled a 100% out on my banking test to not flunk the class in my last semester at IU.  It was with me when I used quick goat thinking to talk my Tax professor into an extra week, to finish my assignment that I was to drunk to turn in on time.  It was with me through the first three parts of the four-part CPA exam.  It was with me when I a bamboozled my way into my first revenue job.  It was with me when I was doing the Quadramed Restatement and would work 10-hour days and then eat extreme pizza and study for the tax portion of the test.  It was with me when I got a 74% on the Tax portion of the CPA exam, when you needed a 75% to pass.  It was with me when I ate more extreme pizza and spent every night in the office at quadramed until 1 studying for the tax portion of the CPA exam.  Then, on the eve of driving to Pleasanton to take the CPA exam for the final time, I turned from my bathroom mirror to grab something and my right hand smacked the ring and knocked it down the drain.  The ring of wisdom was gone.  Because rings do have a will of their own and will go when and where they need to, when they want to.  So it was my time with the ring of wisdom passed.  Over time, I decided taking off five rings at the airport to go through the metal detector was just too much work and I stopped wearing them all. Then Dorothy conned me into selling them to her at a gold party.  By simply stating that she would never let me wear them again.  She like rings has a strong will and who am I to argue with the queen of diamonds, but that is a tail for another day.

I dumped my entire tri bag out and in fact the ring counter was gone.  I was very sad.  I even tried to talk myself out of swimming, because after all how could it be a good swim if I didn’t count the laps properly.  However, I did swim and now, I have no idea what the point of this story was.  Really, I have no clue.  Maybe, I just wanted to talk about rings?  Or maybe it is because I went onto Amazon and ordered three more.  Shit I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to write something.  Ok, I am going to go now… stupid rings.