when it matters most...

I was not going to go.  I had it all worked out on the way home from the office.  I actually preferred to long walks on the weekend, so I could just combine the missed Tuesday and Wednesday walk, and one as an extra session on Saturday and one as an extra session on Sunday.  No harm, not foul.  No one would ask or question it.  After all how happy was I that I was able two walk back to back to back hour walks on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  I was tired all day and sore.  I think the combination fruit oat smoothie and Spinach wrap for lunch did a number on my tummy.  I was how do we like to call it at the Buddy System Gassy all afternoon.  There may or may not have been a wheatgerm cookies in the afternoon.  I was a busy day in the office discussing exciting topics such as new revenue literature (2 or 3 years since I read the exposure draft and I can still remember more than half of what it says, god, I am a loser),  which professional sports has the most felons, and numerous other topics that feel the day of the modern day accountant and I was tired.  I need to go home and rest.  The same walks I was so proud of, also made me so very tired.  I didn't sleep well last night.  Long story short, was I just didn't want to walk and I was not going to.  So, I was sitting on my couch, talking to the dog, as I so often do these days, asking her questions like does she remember the time she had to riddle the sphinx, if she knew that her cousins Summer and Ghost were both north of wall, if she had been a good girl all day, and why she didn't wear any pants, all to which she would answer by going and getting her toy.  I sat there and started to think, that it was these times, times when I was sitting around doing nothing, that I could turn into positive little wins for me.  That I knew and the dog knew that I would sleep better if I walked.  That it was the right thing to do because I needed to move every day.  Especially if Wheatgerm cookies where in the mix.  It was these times when I ramble on about new revenue rules, work crap, and nonsense with the dog, I am really covering up some deeper hidden out of the way issue, I am just not ready to talk about or deal with.  Perhaps we know wounds never fully heal or heal properly and some sour tastes linger on long the bite was taken.  Perhaps.   We know it at times like these when walking is the best tool we have in our  arsenal.  So we walk.  30 minutes.  We don't walk fast.  Because walking fast or slow isn't the point, the point is simply moving.  All we have to do is move.  So we do our five minute warm up.  We get barked at by neighbors dogs.  We turn Obsession on our iPhone and we settle in.  We let the emails, conversations, and comments received during the day run through or mind and we process them.  The main 20 minute set starts up and we are on Meridian and we pick it up a little bit.  We hit the half way point and we pick it up a little bit more, and we start the dream.  We start to see ourselves where we want to be. No where we are, because we, not we, I hate where I am.  I have to move on from this time and place.  I am not happy with it.  So I start to get lost in the dream.  The dream of myself.  The dream of finding my tower.  The music starts to get louder in our ears and he push a little harder, and a little faster, and by the time Duran Duran starts rocking Wild Boys we have hit our stride.  WE are walking HARD.  We are moving.  We feel light as feather and we dream.  We are the creator of worlds and we seen long and far.  We see ourselves crossing finish lines.  We see ourselves collecting the spoils of war.  I see myself tattooed and topless pointing to the sun on my right arm as I cross a finish line.  I see myself coming out of the water and letting out a bellow that can be heard a mile away.  I see myself doing what I can't and don't do today.  I know its not that far away because we are winning the little battles when it matters the most.  Like getting out and walking tonight.  Well not just walking but walking hard and as fast as we could in our work clothes and shoes.  We remember what it felt like to an endurance athlete.  We remember what it meant to feel good about who we are.  I remember why we started this.  I remember why I am going to finish this.  We turn off blossom hill as our cool down begins and we are breathing hard but feeling great.  We do feel great.  We feel alive.   We know that our tower is getting closer everyday.  We know we are in the greatest endurance event of them all, the one for our life and our sanity.  We are fully committed to coming out on the other side of Ka.  WE know have made mistakes.  Lots and lots of mistakes and we do stupid things in moments of weakness.  However, more often than not we are doing the right thing.  Everyday the last week has been torture in the drive thru at McDonalds.  I get my coffees and I always pause and when the lady says anything else, I struggle, and finally say, no not today.  Still McDonalds food free since I started working with Tyson.  :D  Everyday we wake up knowing what we committed to do.  To change our life from what we have to what we want.  My story is just begging.  Now is my time.  My time to RISE.  To stop being the Kid, and becoming the MAN, I am supposed to be.  So, we say fuck it.  Today is our day, and our time.  today we did what matters most.  We take it a day at time and a moment at time.  I will win because I already am.