“The decision to flee came suddenly. Or maybe not. Maybe I'd planned it all along -- subconsciously waiting for the right moment. The bill was a factor, I think. Because I had no money to pay it. And no more of these devilish credit-card/reimbursement deals.”
- Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
“My blood is too thick for Nevada. I've never been able to properly explain myself in this climate.”
- Terry Gilliam & Tony Grisoni, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (Movie)
All the sudden you hit a point, a point when you say I can’t do this anymore and I can’t possibly be in this town for one more minute. The fake air, the air conditioning, the over-priced food, and the damn devil machines that take and take your money but never seem to give you a gods damned return.
It went like this a VP was asking me for a report. The big man wanted answers. I am standing a cubicle because apparently the Aria doesn’t want to give you chairs in the business center to work at. Oh wait that isn’t true, they do. They call it an office though and charge you a dollar a minute with a minimum commitment of 15. I have heard of crows picking the carrion off bones, but this was ridiculous. I am standing there shifting from side to side. I mean 460 pounds and a standing cube do
the math it doesn’t work.
As I was standing there an idea hit me. I was in Vegas god damn it and work be damned I was hitting the slots. What had more upside working on a project where the parameters would change three or four more time before the end or the chance at hitting the jackpot on some slot. Wasn’t it the sage and wise Dr. Burkle who once told me when in Vegas to “Find a loose Slot, and stick with her!” So, that is exactly what I would do.
The burger that Tyson approved for me to eat for lunch was sitting heavy on me. I should have never eaten the gods damn thing. I walk the casino floor looking for the right high stakes machine. After three or four hundred steps (loop counted them) I found it. The Zeus II, I knew the Zeus, I have a version of it on my phone, and it is most handy in meeting, and social occasion when you have nothing to contribute.
You sit down at Zeus II and you put your twenty in, after all that is a lot of spins when you are playing penny slots. Billy b is after all is nothing if not a high roller. Your determined to follow the Murch Method, over sangria and tappas this man convinced me he had full proof slot method. I tried it. It seemed to work, but it was to slow. Not rich enough for my blood. I am living dangerously; I have forty bucks left to spend of my 100 I had come to play with (high roller). I start to get into the game, feeling it. Know that today is my day to win big. Then something goes terribly wrong and you only have 2 cents left and you are down 99.96 cents.
That is when you realize that you can’t stay in this place any longer. You’re a shark and you have smelled blood in the water. You have this need, no a craving, to get your money back and it can happened so fast, with just another spin. You have to get out. You have to get out now. To the bell station, they can take you to your bags and to your taxi. Flee. Go now, get out.
There is another issue with a Vegas Casino; it is laid out with only one thing in mind, keeping the sucker in. So here I am at and this important I am 3,000 steps the loops says so. I wonder around the casino floor looking for the bell station. They tell me to follow the yellow brick road or in this case a carpeted walk way and it would take me out. However, what they don’t say is in between here and my destination will be at least two other taxi stations and the carpet ends. 4,000 steps later, I finally found myself getting my bags and getting in a taxi. The fucking place would have kept me in forever if I lacked determination and a strong will to get out of this city and get out of it fast.
It was one of those interesting tax ride over to the airport. The driver was from Milwaukee and I am 99% sure he is Jeffery Dahmer’s twin. This man would have sliced and diced me in a minute if I wasn’t able to speak his language. Good thing I can. Its very few people whose father was the doctor at the Terre Haute Action Track, the home of Hut Hundred, and various other sprint car and midget racing car events and this man was telling me he was a race car driver. Most people wouldn’t understand this. Most people when thinking about midget racing would think of a crazed man dealing of madness and looking like Dahmer standing over Peter Dinklidge (Tryion), that dude from Bad Santa, the wee one, and Mini-me with a whip and running them around a track.
That is the uneducated. That is people who didn't grow up on the dirt track circuit. Rooting for people like Tom Sneva, Rich Vogler, and that dude who drove car number 77 and had Diggem the frog on his car, who had a knack for going airborne and upside down, we called him frog legs for some reason.
I also have an inside track after all didn't my brother race midgets cars himself? Yes he did. Good god man yes. I was in. I could speak his language. My body parts wouldn't end up in the freezer. Speaking of which do you know when the cleaned out Jeffry Dahmer's freezer that found frozen testicles in there? At trial the topic came up.
Prosecutor says Mr. Dahmer we found frozen testicles in your freezer, why.
To which he answer simply: sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.
But seriously I got the airport two hours prior to take off and the man let me go. All body parts intact since I listened to his sob story. Which is a story I've heard many times before. See there is not a racecar driver on earth that has ever lost a race. No. It's never there fault, but the equipment. It could be the set up, or the track, and they were always winning till the last lap. Yes I've heard it all before. I'm a student of Indianapolis. I've studied the races. I've even lived with a racecar driver. Interesting people. There need for speed is unmatched and misunderstood.
There was trouble once again when we got into the airport. We should have seen this coming from a mile away, however, our need to flee was too great. We just wanted to get out. Get back to California, get to Strawflower Lane with the puppy, and RG, where things are at partially normal.
There are very few places in the US that would have been a worse airport to get to your flight two hours early than the Vegas airport. Especially, when you are bored, and have never met a slot machine you didn’t like. The only place that could have been worse was Mid-way back in the day, when it was O’hare’s evil underling. It felt more like the Brussels’s train station than actual airport. I think it has gotten better over the years, but this I can’t really confirm its been to long since I have flown into MW.
Vegas terminal C is a Zoo. It is packed with down and out people. People who are just as eager as you are to get the hell out of dodge. Most of them look a lot worse for where than you do. After all they didn’t find the same discipline you did while being here. Down 100 dollars, and no buzz at all the entire time is not a bad way to be. There is no place to sit down. The walks are lined with people trying to get their phones or laptops charged. Then there are the slots. Slots everywhere. Slots lined up like legion after legion of good little soldiers.
Being a big boy I knew I couldn’t stand two hours. I knew if I went to a bar or a restaurant I would eat even though I wasn’t hungry. If I got on the floor to sit there is not guarantee I would ever get back up. I could walk but Vegas hasn’t let me sleep. I can’t sleep in that goddamned city. I think it is designed that way. They want your money.
So, I do what I do best. I choose what I consider to be the less of the three options. I choose the slots. I have another 150 cash on me, and really, I have been good and I can treat myself, can’t I? After all I could always win.
You site down at the dollar slots Wheel of Fortune. You have never played the game. You always wanted to throw a shot into Vanna White so you say why not. You play one line at a time. Then, you think this is boring. We are going five lines at a time or we aint going at all. After you must spend money to make money right.
That is when the unthinkable happens. You hit the three spins. You heart races. This is the big one. You’ve made it to prime time. You spin to win. You let it rip. Her it comes big money, big money and no whammies and bam you get 250 bucks. Your 150 over. Stop now, the voice of reason says in your head. You did what you set out to do. Leave now. Go. Leave this place. Your up. You are in Vegas and you are up. Go.
However, you reason with yourself. You say I will play down to break even. Let it ride. See how it goes. Then two things happen to you as you keep betting five. One you roller coaster up and down. You win some, you loose some and you keep staying right around even.
That is when you hit spin – spin – spin again and your off to the races and you will be damned if the fever has not set in. The addiction, the rush, the raw need to keep going, to raise, raise, raise. Bet it all. You can’t loose. Today is your day.
You don’t know how long you sit there, at least an hour and a half, you know this because when it is done you have 30 minutes till your flight leaves. You go up 200, then you down to even. Then you’re up 100. All with the spin – spin – spin. Your telling yourself today is the day. The day I beat Vegas. IT is all worth it because you know today you are going to win. You sweating but you don’t realize it. You’re talking to yourself but you don’t realize it. There is a small crowd around you because every time you lose, you get back up.
The Wheel of Fortune Jack pot dry humps you. So many times and don’t you know you have a system now. You hold the button with this much pressure, then every forth spin you pull the handle.
You keep getting back 200 up and you keep talking yourself into spending money to make money. Ride it out. Go. You say when I get to even I am done. I will walk. However when even comes you tell you self to go. Just walk away. You are even. Then you get on the losing side of things, but you keep spinning. Because you can make it all back with just one spin. You hit spin spin spin and you are back at even. So walk away, but you can’t, the fever has complete control of you. You couldn’t stop if you wanted to. You don’t know control. You’re still a junky after all. A junky whore who will take anything you can get.
You so locked into the fever; you don’t realize your talking shit to the slot machine. Telling her what a dirty girl she is, and how you going to make her your bitch. You so locked in you don’t realize it when the crowd leaves when you start to lose. Your so locked in and sure its your day and you will win it all back that when you pumping your last twenty in the machine you don’t realize it. No, not until you’re out of spins. That there is no more spin-spin-spin lets ride the wheel of fortune. Now all there is zeros where 250 bucks and being up once was. There is nothing. Nothing but you and your god damned fever. You were so sure this machine would pay out. You’re so sure that this was the time and place you’d win. No, you have nothing. You have gone to broke. You saw a wells Fargo atm, you could get more money. No, no more money.
You get up and start to drift through the airport. You don’t really pay attention to where you are until you come face to face with the lady at burger king. You’re not hungry but the fever burns so hot the need for fix and rush are right there. You stare at the lady when she says can I help you. You look at your phone and you have a half hour till boarding.
You know there are only three ways to come out of the fever, maybe four. One is to drink it off. Two is to eat it off, and we were at burger king. Three is to sleep it off. And four is to walk it off. I had thirty minutes, and I was face to face with the lady at the Las Vegas Terminal C Burger King and I choose, the only think I could choose, and that was to walk it off. I had a 19-minute walk to do for today and damn I was going to do it. So, I did just that. I walked. I walked hard and strong. I passed people I knew. I passed people I didn’t. All while walking out a fever of the rush, the need to be awesome and push it as far as I can go.
There is really little better therapy than walking. It makes everything better. So I walked and walked and the fever broke. I was a little bummed I was now down 250 but it is Vegas and the longer you play in a city like Vegas the more you will lose.
I was happy when I boarded the flight. I didn’t even notice all the people who were scared they would have to sit next to me. Little did they know I had two seats so they were safe? I flew back in peace and I was happy, I was out of Vegas.
I realized a few things. The first is I hate Vegas. I really do. It isn’t a city for people who want to get healthy and change their life. The second is 250 bucks is a lot of money but it could have been worse. I will just have to tighten the belt in a few other places. The third is I might not have one any money in Vegas, but I did win in Vegas. I beat the system. Because I didn’t lose my soul, or my path, I walked every day, ate pretty well, and made it home alive. What more can you ask for, I am not sure too much more.
The world is changing. I used to think my blood was to thick for Nevada, that I couldn’t express myself in those conditions. However, I also realized that Vegas help stimulate my creativity. I think it is because I read Hunter S. Thompson and well he is a hero of mine. So perhaps that is it. End of the day, as I was saying the world is changing. I am changing. I am winning. I see that. I am growing. I am starting to believe in me. I am starting to see my happiness is not defined by what others do or don’t do, want or don’t want, go or don’t go. I realize that I am in control of my life. I have the power and ability to make changes and to live the life I want to live. I will do this. I am doing it. Do you see it? Even if you don’t, I do. That is all that ever mattered. Was that I saw it. I do. I do.
So we will leave HST quotes alone for a while and we will turn our attention back to summer and living our life how we want to live it.
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