Sucker Punch

“Don't ever write a check with your mouth you can't cash with your ass.” Wiseman, Sucker Punch

I can’t explain how I feel right now.  I really can’t.  I feel like I got sucker punched though.  I have to be honest I didn’t see this one coming.  I thought I was in control. I thought I said all the right things.  However, how could I know I didn’t?  I guess I was writing checks I couldn’t cash.  Perhaps my arrogance is bigger than I am?  Perhaps I just assumed it would all work out?  Perhaps I thought I could limp along, and find something new without ever paying a fee.  Perhaps I really believed I was the Black Reaper and the price of my contract was nothing.  Everything has a price.  Everything, I do, you do, and we all do.  Nothing is free.  In the end you will always have to pay.  I got hit today.  I got hit hard and I stumbled.  I am not as great as I thought I was.  I thought I was the best at what I did. I thought people would be lucky to have me.  I really thought… perhaps it doesn’t matter.  I am not making any sense.  I feel like getting hit in the jaw like I just did wouldn’t happen to me.  It was quick and it came out of nowhere like a knife in the dark.  I guess I don’t have any secret schemes or grand plan.  I am just too busy to pick myself up off the floor to understand any of it.  There is a carryover effect.  I am off now.  It impacts my mood.  I get hit in the mouth.  I falter.  I asked questions that perhaps I am not ready to have the answers too.  Perhaps, my apathy rings through.  Perhaps RG is right.  I felt on the phone this time.  No matter how hard I tried to come out of the funk I could not. Perhaps I am just supposed to get dried humped with opportunity every May.    Perhaps Karma is waiving her cold cruel hand over me.  Perhaps I have to sell my soul, in order to move on.  I know I am just in shock.  It will pass.  I will come out of this and KA will have its say.  It always does.  It has been 7 days full of highs and lows, shock and ah.  This shall pass.  I have been knocked off un-expectantly from the path of the beam, however, the difference between the hero and the guy who dies halfway through the book, is the ability to get back up and resilient.    However, I wonder if I am the hero or not.