"Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come."
―The Night's Watch oath (George RR Martin, A Song of Ice and Fire)
I haven't take the black... not really. However, in my own way i did pledge an oath, not to the realms of men, but to myself, and the readers of this blog? Did you see it? Did you notice it? Jill did, as Jill often does as the one of the top readers, she noticed it when I walked into the office today told me I was going to the Indy 500 next year... I was like I didn't say that, she was like yes you did, and you promised your readers of the blog you would do it. I went back re-read the posts from this weekend and I will be damned by all the old gods and the new but she is correct. "I am feeling better, and made a promise to my baby brother Ding today that if I can get down 100 lbs by next years 500 I would return for the 99th running. " I will be damned. Ya, I said it. In some mad rambling about the Andretti Curse, I made a promise to return to Indianapolis for the 500, and it will just cost me 2 lbs a week each week for the next 50 weeks. This coming from a guy who followed up dropping four pounds in vegas by dropping another 1.3 it just might be possible.
The words above aren't mine, I won't even pretend that I could right such an oath. However, let's take them one sentence at a time and see how they apply to me.
Night gathers, and now my watch begins... well night gathered over the last 20 years and it gathered in driver throughs, pizza joints, and 7-11's in between Indiana and California. I have never met a city that I couldn't find a place to binge in. Night is 470 pounds. Night is being so fat your afraid to go to an interview because you might break the chair your sitting in. My watch began on August 3, 2013, i made promise to myself that I would take care of myself. That I would get better. That I would be the master of my own destiny. I realized that life was just to beautiful not to.
It shall not end until my death... In the middle of realizing how beautiful life is, I also decided that from that day until the end of my days I would do everything in my power to get better. I have been dead three times. Three times and for some reason my god self won't let me parish. My mind and heart say not today. Today we stand. Today we fight.
I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children... Well, this on is iffy... Can't say what would happen if I met her. Not 100% I have fathered any children, and oops I already hold land. This one isn't going to work. OK FUCK IT THIS IS TO HARD... because come to the next sentence and we are fucked!
I shall wear no crown and win no glory... Hi! Bull shit! I may never wear a crown, but I will win glory. I will win glories battles. It is my curse, just like Loki, I am burden with Glorious Purpose. I will swim, bike, and run... I will push my body as far as I can go, and that is for my ego. I will push this as far as I can go. I will have glory. My own glory. So... this is just not going to work..
What I can say, is that, I do pledge myself to my health. I pledge myself to a good life. An honest life, that is full and open. I will be an open book for the entire world to read. I will be honorable. I will fight my war. My war against the destroyer that lives inside of me. I am the sword against the darkness of my own mind. I am the shield that will protect my fragile self worth from the monsters that live inside my head. I pledge my live and honor not to a night's watch but to my watch, my life, and my health for this night and all nights to come. I will take care of myself. I can do do this... NO, I will do this!
I am on a search for my tower. Some might question is this quest a noble one or just a selfish one. It is some where in the middle. The only person I can fight for now is me. The only thing I can control is me. I am the only one who can make my life better. I see that now. I choose to make these changes. I thank the gods for Tyson and Omar. I thank the gods for my bitches or wives #1 and #2. I am so lucky to the have the support team I have and i won't list all them out here b/c I know I will miss someone but Bb, JC, CP, TK, DS, DD, KJ, MM, and JM are just a few that are 100% and always in my corner. They are the watchers of the wall with me. They make me see and realize just what I can accomplish... For this night and all nights to come... They are the dream team behind the man. I promise you this night and all nights to come, I will do my best. I will fight the war I must fight. I will win. Because I am already winning. Don't you see that.. Don't you...
If all me must die, then All men must first live! I choose to live... I choose what is best for me... I choose to make a promise from now on, me, myself and I first... my health. my life.
Two a days are coming... Walk swim - Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday... Walking the rest of the weeking every day... We are in week five of walking and we love it! I can walk an hour without feeling like I am going to die. See how far we have come in four weeks!!!! See... we are winning. I will do this.. I promise this... I promise...
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