#299

I am standing on a Milestone right now.  I never in my wildest imagination would have believed when I started the Buddy System I would actually follow through with it.  But now here we are at Blog #299 and the world has changed.  I am not the man I was when I started, I am moving in the right direction.  When I started I thought this was all about weight, but it isn’t.  It is about body, mind, spirit, and of course KA. 

Rachel sent me something last night and the minute I opened it, I know what I would be writing about today.  I have talk to you about the Great War for my life.  I said there would be no peace talks, no white flags, and no going back.  I spoke about the will of KA and the breaking not only of my mind but also my heart.  I have even gone as far to tell you my biggest and most glorious dreams in this world: Iron Man Athlete, what better ending could a Fathlete have than doing the biggest race of them all.  So, when I read what Rachel sent me I knew I was on the right path because I have already started to do so many of these (http://www.lifebuzz.com/start-doing/#!Sstsd  ).    Thanks Rachel, this link meant a lot! 

So for #299 here we go how on how I am making the right moves to be the best Billy b I can be!

 

#1. Start spending time with the right people. – I am in the process of distancing myself from the most negative aspects in my life.  I have the best people I could have around me.  If tried to name them all I would be here all day.  You know who you are if you are part of my inner circle and if you have helped push me in the right direction.  I have the best people around me right now.  I have lost some who I thought would stay through war, but that is war, and that is change. I am with the best people now, and my support group is amazing, thank all of you! 

#2. Start facing your problems head on. – This blog is a testament that I am facing my issues head on.  Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Fear, Food Addiction, and loneliness all have been the topics of this blog. I have addressed each of them at some point or another.  That is what this war is dealing with where I am, so we can go where we want to go.  This is so much more than my own vanity.  It is a full on rebirth to the man I was born to be.

#3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. -  It is hard to do.  However, at some point, you have take one on the chin and look at what you have done.  Deal with it and move on.  It was not easy for me to say I am an immature selfish asshole of the highest possible order.  I am overly sensitive.  I am a spoiled brat that never appreciated anything he was given. Hurts to say that even now but it is true.  Also being honest about why I was eating was huge.  It never was about being hungry.  I was about being stressed, depressed, anxious, alone, hateful, etc..  I learned it doesn’t matter b/c you can lie to everyone else about all these things but you can’t lie to yourself, so don’t try.

#4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – If you have been around me lately you know my happiness is my number 1 priority.  I choose life and living.  I am looking for the best me from my blogging, work, friends, everything, the world is changing, and in the last year, I felt true and real happiness, and I want that all the time!

#5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – I have never been prouder to be Billy b, I don’t care that I am still 460 pounds.  I write every day and I live every day and I am who I am, I don’t hide it anymore.  I say what needs to be said. 

#6. Start noticing and living in the present. – This is a hard one for me, I struggle with it.  What is the balance of living now or living tomorrow it’s a big deal for a 460 man.  I can’t do everything I want today.  However, I can do a lot.  Physically, I might not be the best version of Billy b out there, but mentally, spiritually, I am. 

#7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – I view everyday as a learning experience.  I review what I do and say in every situation.  I learn and grow, that is all I can ask to do.  I am believer each day we get better because each we experience.    

#8. Start being more polite to yourself.  – This is hard, especially when you hate yourself.  I have hated myself for so long I have forgotten how to love and be kind to myself.  I just go back to a time in August, when I had to keep telling myself this is right and good and you deserve it.  You do deserve good things too happened to you.  I am very critical of myself.  However, I can tell you even in your own head you get a lot further with carrot than the stick. 

#9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – I used to think because I was fat and single I had nothing.  What a bunch of horseshit that was.  I have everything.  Family, Friends, education, and most importantly, I have my dreams and my creativity.  These are the two things that make me the happiest.

#10. Start creating your own happiness. – This blog makes me happy.   Writing makes me happy.  So writing this blog makes me really happy.  I have gone out of my weigh to create happiness. 

#11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – I have some really great creative ideas and a lot of dreams.  I see a lot realized here in this blog.  However, I am putting together stuff to try and get published!

#12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – I have never been more ready to move on in my life.  I am ready to move on, it is time to move on!

#13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – There was time in my life I look for acceptance in others.  I could list a lot of women I looked for acceptance in and a lot of friends.  Now, when I meet people, they meet the real me and I am not afraid to share all that I am with anyone. 

#14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – I have so many great people in my life, but always looking for more.  I am not hiding anymore.  Welcome to my world! 

#15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Billy b from 2012 and 2013 the doer of Tri’s, it is on Mr. Double Down at PG, I am coming for you and I am going fuck you up!

#16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – I said it earlier but I am selfish prick.  Very immature.  I need to do more of this!  I try.  I do.  I know this is a weakness and I have to get better!

#17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – I believe everything in life is a lesson.  Therefore, I want to see the glass half full instead of empty.  I have had some much amazing stuff happen to me since August of last year, and I love and appreciate it all.  I have learned and grown! 

#18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – I wear bitterness like my glasses.  I can take them off but rarely do.  I need to forgive.  I need to forget, but the North Remembers, they always do, and I remember and it makes it hard.  I have to refocus on forgiveness and letting go. 

#19. Start helping those around you. – I have said it a couple times “selfish immature prick” However, I try to be giving.  I try to have open my giant heart to as many people as I can.  I do need to remember people don’t always read this and therefore, they don’t know what I am going through.  Therefore, I shouldn’t take out my weakness on them.  I have so much to give.  I need to give and help the people around me. 

#20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – I listen to the Black Reaper, my inner voice.  I do.  I take his advice to heart.  I hear the voice in my head telling me to be nice, when I am a prick.  To forgive and try to understand the other side of the coin and one story can have several points of view. Remember that and listen to the man inside the man, he tends to be much wiser than I!

#21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – I take breaks through the day.  I can’t work non-stop anymore.  I have to move, walk, and laugh.  Laughter is magical and healing.  We all need more of it.  So stop reading this and laugh, or walk around, and come back.  I think you should laugh or distract yourself at least once every hour.   

#22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – I am pretty sure this came directly from Sue but she calls them the sweet moments.  Know this, I would trade nothing that has happened in my life the sweet moments I have had since August till now.  Yes, there has been some pain but the joy I encountered will stay with me forever.  I say thanks for those moments I have had, and the ones I know will come again.

#23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – I am only a man, and therefore I am by definition imperfect.  I am ok with who I am today, this is my life and it isn’t what it was before and I am so very fucking proud of it.   

#24. Start working toward your goals every single day. –Every day the tower is in my mind.  The vision of myself in the green shirt and everything I do is to get me to my tower, I have to keep that in my mind!

#25. Start being more open about how you feel. – I am getting better at this every day.  I don’t just wear it on my sleeve, I talk about it.  

#26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – I am the driving force in my life.  It is my life and I have to own the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I am 460 pounds not b/c I didn’t get enough love or whatever, I am this way because I made poor decisions.  I choose to hide instead of standing and being true.  However, no more STAND AND BE TRUE!  They are words I live by!

#27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – this is something again, I need to be better at.  So many good people in my life and I need to be better at maintaining these things. 

#28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – I can’t make someone love me.  I can’t make people see how much value I could add or did add.  I can’t change the past. I can only live in the now.  I can only control myself.  I have to focus on the good I can do for Billy b. 

#29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – Do you see it?  do you see that I am winning the war?  I believe in the power of the mind. I believe in the power of my vision.  I believe I will have the life I have dreamed of and be the person I want to be.  Healthy, happy, loving, and loved.  I will do this!  See it with me.  See me crossing that finish line and getting the dot M inked on my leg for all of time.  See me coming out of the water first and howling like a banshee so I wake everyone in Pacific Grove up.  See me being healthy, and happy.    The future has unlimited opportunities and my life has really just begun! 

#30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – I am wealthy right now.  I have so much goodness in my life.  I am a very lucky man.  It is now up to me to show you just how lucky I am!