"Mom what is Uncle Billy doing? Why is he dressed like that and carrying that helmet he kept trying to put on me?" Shiner to her Mom about the outfit Uncle Billy rolled out of his bed room in....
Head to toe I was all dressed up for my first bike ride in over a year! Got the bikes back yesterday and I said soon as I got them back I was going for a ride. I didn't care how far I went, or where, I was just going for a ride today. So that is what I did, although I stacked the deck against myself.
It started with sleeping till ten. Then waiting to long to go after breakfast that I pushed into my 2nd meal. However, come 4 o'clock today, I was dressed for success and ready to roll.
I was asked how long I was going to go, 5 or 10 miles, my response never wavered, however far I could make it. If that was one or two, then so be it. It had to start some where. It had to start some time. What better place than here and what better time than now as my friends from Rage Against the Machine always say in Calm Like a Bomb.
So, around 3:40 or so I started to get ready. There was the halo head band that had to go on so that i could keep my beloved hair out of my face:
Then it was time to put on the only thing that would stand between me, my bike seat, and my innocence. The Tri Shorts. Now I know what you are thinking why not go bike shorts. First every pair of bike shorts I have make me feel like I have shit myself and I carrying a load in my trousers. Not that I would know what that feels like, oh never mind:
See the thin read and grey pad that is all that was keeping my bum bum safe?
Then it was time for my socks. I had to put on something to pay my respects to the storm born. If you don't know what I am talking about you aren't a true Song of Ice and Fire fan and you rely on HBO to give you all your information and that is well, pretty good, but not good enough for a man who has made a study of the Song:
Next you know I am always worried about my ticker, so I had to put on my HR monitor:
Then it was time to grab my helmet because shiner was not willing to wear it. Every time I put it on her she wouldn't even try to raise her head so I could get a cute picture. Perhaps she just isn't a cyclist:
Then it was time to pull on my gloves which pay homage to the Scorpio in me... plus they are just pretty bad ass... they have these little hooks between the fingers to pull them off with... nice
Then it was time to get the bike shoes ready:
"Um bill are you vacuuming your shoes?" Rachel
"Yes."
"Um, is that necessary?" Rachel
"I have not worn them for two years and what if there is a spider in there."
"Did you shake them out?" Rachel
"Yes, but what if he is holding on just so he can bite my toes?"
"Your ridiculous!" Rachel
"Shit!"
"What now?" Rachel
"The vacuum won't reach the end of the shoes, will you stick your hand in there and make sure there are no spiders? I would do it for you!"
"No you wouldn't." Rachel
"but I just said I would!"
"I am not sticking my hand in your bike shoe." Rachel
"Then I am not sticking my hand in your bike shoe!"
"I would't have left mine outside for a year in a spider infested garage." Rachel
"eeeeekkkkkk" high pitch shrill screech ensues.
"Wow that was manly." Rachel "find something?"
"no. its just, well, shut up."
Thus ends the ridiculous conversation of the bike shoes and there vacuuming.
all this together makes me:
a black reaper ready to roll!!!!
I will be honest with you. I didn't want to go. In hind sight I made a lot of mistake today before my ride. The first and foremost was dreading it. I sat in the front of my hour for an hour and a half this a.m. and practiced the art of visualization. Seeing myself crossing finish lines. Seeing my self traveling Europe with a waste line. Seeing the kid in the green shirt or the boy in the blue fleece (foreshadowing? perhaps). However, I never sat down and saw myself having a good ride. I never stop and thought I was going to go out and crank out five miles. I didn't see myself out there riding like it used to be with me and El Beav and Rachel and we were having fun and loving life. No. I didn't do any of that.
I went out with a bad attitude. When Rachel said go have fun. I was like I am just gonna try to survive. So I beat myself before I ever left.
The truth is when I pushed out into the sun from the garage, I actually felt pretty god damn good. I feel like it was so much easier than I had thought it would be. It should be hard. IT should be really hard. I should be breathing heavy. I shouldn't be enjoying this. my ass should hurt more. So guess what was happening by the time I got to the first mile. My ass hurt. I was breathing heavy. I was not having any fun. I pulled over to the side of the road and asked myself what the fuck am I doing out here. Why did I come. I told myself to just keep going just a little further. So I did. However in the mile and a half it took me to get to Redmond. I had stopped four times. In smile and a half. This includes the stop lights, which there were two. Then I crossed Meridan and I was like I need to go back I am dying. So I climbed on and I pushed and pulled up. I tried to keep peddling but I coasted a lot on the way home. All though on the way home I only stopped once and that was at a stop light. So it was better not he way back. However, my ass was killing me. So much for my baboon but shorts providing any protection against my bike seat, who all the sudden seemed to be a resident of Kentucky and trying to make me squeal like a pig.
I rolled back into my garage and I couldn't wait to get off the fucking bike. see:
And then I planted myself in my lawn chair and tried to catch my breath:
Don't get me wrong I look like a bad ass biker. However, I was sucking wind hard. I felt like I was going to throw up. I was exhausted.
I sat there for twenty minutes or so listening to my breathing and thinking, I went out all wrong. I went out knowing I was gonna suck, so suck I did. I needed to go out with the reverence of a child. The child I am. I need to remember that I am doing this for the life I want. The only way to get from fat to thin is to move. To push it and do the things I love. I love to cycle. I know I do. I remember how great i felt riding forty miles. I remember how much I loved the life I had that would see my ride every Sunday with the Beav. That wasn't a man who hated to cycle or feared getting not he bike. I can't be like that any more.
As Rachel said when I got back in, each ride will get easier. I will build and build and if I keep riding once a week, I can be up to our riding distance by august. I plan on riding a little bit more than once a week.
So in total I went three miles in a half hour today. All in all not to bad for not being on a bike for a long time and carrying 470 lbs on the bike. I have to remember I am riding for three. So if you think about it like that didn't I really go nine miles :D
I have to keep things in perspective. A few weeks ago I was sitting on my ass wondering if I could even go out and ride my bike. The answer is I can. The answer is I did.
Today I got better.
I am so tired right now I am ready for bed. I can't watch thrones b/c the Beav is at the hockey game... stupid fucking sharks. like the boilers of purdue they will always let you down. anyway... whatever ... team sports are overrated. Nothing can compare to what one can do alone in a pool. Or on a marathon course... or even on a bike.
So I am going to go to sleep now.. however, like I said I know I am better. ... we road. the first one is over... now... we will see ourselves getting better on each and every ride from here on out. and we will keep getting better. Keep getting closer to our Tower..... because after today I know that.....
The Tower is Closer....
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