Another Friday… Friday’s are the gateway to the weekend and the weekend is what we live for!

It always amazes me what attracts people’s attention to these blogs and what doesn’t.  If I share a picture of my pants ripping the reads and hits go up.  If I talk from the heart or write fiction they go down.  If I talk about my dreams sometimes they go viral and sometimes they don’t. 

It matters little.  My creativity is peaking.  My blogs are getting better.  I write for a purpose and with a purpose.  You wrote hard.  You’re very proud of the last two weeks of blogs.  Even if one of them I was so full of me that I actually interviewed myself.  Is that me screaming for attention or is it me stating fact. 

It is Friday another week has come and gone.  You are not sure how you feel about that.  You feel like you have moved forward by leaps and bounds from a week ago. 

The pains from your lungs and chest that drove you to the cardiologist are all but forgotten.  The last few days have been pain free from that perspective.  You work up today and said to yourself where the pressure, the stress is?  The overall pain in your heart still lingers though.  However that is a different pain and different problem.

You debate on printing a retraction of last Saturday’s blog because apparently you forget to say it was a ruse.  It was fable born in your mind of glass and falling.  It was to show just how acute the power of your mind is. 

It's Friday and I'm tired.  Friday's are the gateway to freedom.   I like to spend mine in hibernation and reflection.  I will journey to spoons today.   Sometimes, you just have to go.  For the uninitiated Spoons is Hooters.  I won’t waste time spinning that tale, at least not today. 

I can’t tell if I am depressed and want to cry today or just tired.  Somewhere in between I guess. 

As one life passes and another begins, you will have this.  It is hard to change.  Change is scary.  Even when change is necessary and can lead to happiness, it is still hard.

An active weekend is what we have planned.  We take the bikes tomorrow in Pala to get them worked on, and road ready.  Then we swim or walk depending on our fancy and our time.  We have to meet the spider people tomorrow.  At least I think I do.  I hear the water calling me though.  Telling me to come and swim.  Perhaps I will make a stop tonight after my appointment.  Perhaps?

Sunday we do our first Tri training in over a year!  We meet JC, CP, and RG and we do a little swim and then a little walk.   Do you see me after that worn out?  Exhausted?   But so fucking happy!  I'm back!  Yes I'm back!  I feel great.

The Triathlon at Pacific Grove is on my horizon.  I'm racing again and it is a good thing.

My only love now can be for triathlon.   My hopes and my dreams are forever tied to it.  I keep having dreams race day comes and I'm not ready.  I say no to these dreams!  I say I will be ready.  I have a plan.  My plan and it has already started. 

Can you feel that little shift?  The change in the winds?  Can you feel and see me rising above this time and this place?  Can you see me crossing a finish line?  Can you?  I can.  That is all that matters now.  All I have is my dreams and my hope. 

This weekend starts a new chapter and page in my life.   

I live to race.  I live for triathlon.  I live to swim, bike, and run.

 

For today I take care of myself.  Today I put me and my needs first.  Today, I walk the path, not just know it and admire it from a far. 

I take control of my life and accept what I can and can’t do.  I accept myself as I am. 

And what am i?

 

I am a man.  I am a triathlete.  I am a dreamer.  I am the hero of my own life.  I am the master of my own destiny.

 

I am fear.  I am wrath.  I am broken and broken hearted.

 

However, I have the power to change and I will change, because what you can’t see is that I already have.

 

I am a dreamer.  I am fearless.  I am honest.  I am free.  I live to get Radical!

 

I am Billy b and the Black Reaper.  I am risen above the ashes of a broken life. 

 

I choose my path.  I choose to live.  I want to live.  These are not just words on a page.  I choose life.  I am life.

 

I will find Can’-Ka No Rey and there I will dance in the field of the roses that line the feet of my dark tower.

 

I know right now that I am the path. 

 

I believe. 

 

And…

 

 

The Tower is Closer