The Force isn’t with Me!

It is with Grevious-ly sad news that report to you I do, that the Marathon half, doing I will not in January.  No, ready for it, am I.  Ok, I can’t do this whole fucking thing in Yoda speak.  I mean I would have to really work had to do that and well at 7:45 a.m. the day after the storm of the century, I really don’t want too. I put a lot of thought into this, and well as Yoda once said “Do or do not, there is no try” I am going to do not.  I could go to SoCal and Disneyland for the first time and fake it, enjoy the sites, and hope that next year brings a new and better outcome, but in late October, I chose a path, a path of exile, until I reach a certain point, and I will stick to that path here.   I won’t be ready to travel by January.  I just won’t be.  I won’t be walking a 16 minute mile by January, so I could not finish what I started and I am worried what that would do to my fragile ego. 

However, friends let us not despair in the fact that the one race that really spoke to me, isn’t going to happen this year.  No, no, for this is not a time for sorrow. No, it is time to rejoice.  I am 17 lbs lighter, and I can feel it.  I knew before I weighed in last week that my body had changed.  I can feel it every day when I slide in and out of my car. I no longer dread getting out or into Flake.  Because I fit now you see.  My knees don’t beg me to sit down every time I stand up like they did a month ago.  That is after 17 lbs.  Can you imagine what it will be like after 40 and then 50 until we reach my goal of 200?  Can you?  I can.

See, I have seen the man who I will become.  I feel him coming alive inside of me.  I had a palaver with my boss the other day and he told me that sometimes I can be the greatest person to be around, and other times I can be just plan awful.  That I am moody and when I go into the dark mode, it is really unpleasant to be around.  That unpleasant person is a bi-product of years of wasted potential.  Years of setting myself up for failure, and years of not being able to see what laid underneath the layers of fat that I wear like a suit of armor to shield me from any blows that might come.  The reason I bring up the conversation with my boss is because the moods are a byproduct of not believing, not being able to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

However, I believe in my heart I have found my path.  I cook and I write.  That will lead me to the promised-land.  I know it. 

So maybe the force isn’t with me.  However, the wheel of KA is.  In my dreams, in my mind, I see a thinner, happier, and healthier me.  The one who has success writing even if it is dime store novels, which have half naked men and women on the cover, it doesn’t matter.  It matter to fall the path laid out and use the skills that you have been given.      What can I say, I have a gift for smut.  I have a gift of tale spinning. 

I know that that not doing star wars sucks.  I know that is something I wanted, and yet another event passed me by that I was not 4ready for.  However, I am playing a longer game now.  I am working towards a much longer endurance event.  The endurance event of life and I will find my way.  I think I have.  I prep meals during the weekend and I eat off them all week long. I don’t dine out.  When I splurge it is on Paleo only foods.  Logging my food has become part of my meal.  I have reintroduce greens into my diet via the smoothie and the green powder I drink morning and night. 

The world is changing and I am changing with it.