I have turned it over and over in my head on what, when, and how I want to post this blog. However, I have said I want to be an open book, so I will be that open book, I will be that open book and spin my tale. This is part of the journey, it is a layover on the journey down the beam to my tower. So, it belongs here. Because when I write it here it is real.
After the BP blog on December 18th, I got some good advice from my sister Bb, and from a really good friend, and from the only girl I have ever proposed to even if it was on a school bus during kindergarten I went to see the doctor today and as scary as it was and as long of an afternoon it was, I am really glad I did. It turns out I was not be my normal psycho-somatic self but rather, my hear wasn't working right. Apparently, I have something called Atrial Fibrillation or Afib, and I don't like the way that sounds.
I will be honest the drive to doctor was awful, and even when I looked at the scale as they weighed me and I noticed the five lbs gained last week were gone and I was also 1.4 more pounds down (20 since my 39th bday), couldn't replace the stress I was going through. I honestly thought it was all in my head too, until the nurse actually took my blood pressure and it was 173/110, right then and there I knew I was fucked and good! For those of you keeping score at home don't buy a fucking wrist BP monitor, they are shit, and they lies. My BP according to the wrist model was 143/85 and that was not at all correct.
I had flash backs to a night long ago in San Francisco, when I was still in public accounting and my heart sinking to the floor when the nurse at urgent care told me to go the emergency room, because when she saw a big and assumed heart attack, I went, and 6 hours later I went home with panic attack, a new shrink, and a knowledge never to tell anyone my chest hurt again.
I won't lie I was terrified. I thought open heart surgery was right around the corner. I thought I was going to spend my holidays in hospital. I thought it was the end of the Kid we know today. I thought they would force me onto a liquid diet and then into Gastric-bypass. I thought every thing. But mostly, I thought I was going to die. My entire life I have been terrified of dying, or at least I thought I was. However, I realize now, it isn't that so much that I am afraid of dying but that I really want to live, there is so much to do, so much I need to do, want to do, have to do. I want to see her smile again. I want to see my nieces and nephews open gifts on Xmas morn. I want the wind in my face going down a hill on a bike, I want to swim in the warm oceans in Hawaii. I want to do that all and so much more and you can't do that if you are dead. also, I didn't give up pizza, buns, real french fries, cheese, and sugar to fucking die a month later! NO NO NO!
I was freaked and to make it worse, my cardiologist was out sick. The nurse was who ended up being a nice started off as cold as Ice. I sat their freaking out and of course answering work emails the best I could and playing candy crush soda version or whatever it called, but mostly, I was scared, feeling alone, and really, really fucking pissed off.
The math didn't work in my head. I was 20 lbs down. I was walking at least 3 times a week. I was less stress at work b/c I love my current job most of the time. I was cooking at home. I really felt like I was heading down the good path, finally, I got it! I was doing. I was cooking. I was walking myself, I was moving forward! So how in the fuck am I back a the cardiologist, with chest pain, with my heart fluttering and my fucking BP out of control.
Well, after 3.5 hours at the cardiologist, and meeting a new cardiologist Dr. Greene and yes Dr. Greene you should sainted in my book. It turns out that I have AFIB, most likely bought on to do high blood pressure.
Now am not a doctor, don't play one on tv, and I didn't stay at a holiday inn last night.
Long story short my heart isn't firing properly. It is quivering a bit, and because of that I am getting the pains I am getting.
American Heart Association says: Atrial Fibrillation(also called AFib or AF) is a quivering or irregular heartbeat (arrhythmia) that can lead to stroke and other heart-related complications. In atrial fibrillation, the upper chambers of the heart (the atria) beat irregularly (quiver) instead of beating effectively to move blood into the ventricles.
and because that I am a greater risk of stroking out and I not talking about what I do in my bed room and the internet. Heart failure is also a risk, as well as chronic fatigue, inconsistent blood supply, other heart rhythm issues. You can read all about it
http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/Conditions/Arrhythmia/AboutArrhythmia/Why-Atrial-Fibrillation-AF-or-AFib-Matters_UCM_423776_Article.jsp#
This picture is pretty cool and I didn't mean to upload the one after, but I am to lazy to delete it right now.
The good news is it is treatable. I am on new blood pressure medications, and we all know I can get my blood pressure under control if I keep on keeping on my current path, well almost, we will get to that. I am also on a new medicine call ELIQUIS (apixaban). This new med is to prevent me from getting blood clots and if I don't clot up, I can't stroke out. I am also going back to the doctor next Tuesday to see if things got any better. The main goal right now is to bring down the BP. That I am very optimistic we can do.
One thing the doctor couldn't figure out, was how and why did my BP suddenly take off. He was looking at my records. I told him about my readings from the last appointment one month ago. So, asked have you changed your diet. I said ya bro, I went paleo and i cook for myself. He said good, good. Then he said do you use salt when you cook?
BOOOOOOM
Do I use salt, WELL FUCK YES I DO! I salt up all my meals real good. Really, really, really good! Recipe calls for a table spoon, I put in 2, well not really, but yes, I salt to recipe, and usually a pinch or two more. I do notice every day I am way over on sodium on myfitpal, but I just figured if the weight came off why did it matter. He shook his head and he understood. He basically eluded something my parents have been telling me since I was born, SALT = BAD. Now, I hate saying that b/c ever since Poogie Adler first introduced me to Salt at Dixie Bee Elementary school, I have been for the salt. I mean not quite like Poogie because he salts ham after all, and i was saw him salting a salt lick he used as pillow, but I do use salt freely.
So... he thinks me cooking is great, but he thinks I was mislead on the salt and the salt has to be drastically cut down if not out all together. I can do that. I don't want too really but since the alternative is not living, I think it isn't a heard choice to make. I mean i will use salt on certain things, but I will reduce it for example I will use 1/3 of the salt my hawaiian pulled pig call for Xmas day.
I am really happy i went to the doctor, I am ready to put this episode behind me and keep on doing what I am doing and that is cleaning up my act! So.. although having AFIB is bad, we are going to make the best of it, and keep on keeping on.. with update meds, no/low salt, walk, and getting my cpap updated. I have to keep on going, and getting better! I am still going to do this! I still believe in my path, I just need to make modifications. I also now know that just b/c I am having these AFIB flutters and quicken heart beats, I also know that I am going to be ok, and that knowledge is POWER!
And guess what...
THE TOWER IS CLOSER!
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