I have to be honest, I have no idea where half the stuff
that pops into my head comes from or how I have time to think about it, however,
it comes and when it comes I go with it.
A perfect example was last night I spent two hours in front of the TV
watching Kaitlin Sandeno and Erik Vendt swimming the breaststroke and the
freestyle (Front Crawl). As you know
over the last few weeks I have become increasing obsessed with swimming. Sue says it is me substituting bad habits for
a good one. If that is the case, then
perhaps it is the best thing to ever happen to me. My war as I have said before is no longer
about just losing weight; it is about building a healthy and happy life. Therefore, if studying swimming strokes keeps
me out of the French fries, Pizza, chocolate, and ice cream then it can’t be
that bad.
So as I sit here at home waiting on the superior courts of California
to determine if I actually have to appear today, I go back to a bit that
started playing in my head last night. Somewhere
in between turning off the swim video and grabbing the total immersion book to
read more about perfecting my stroke and idea planted itself and I couldn’t get
rid of it.
When perhaps I should have been focusing on the business at
hand, I instead engaged in Tom Foolery, and mischief, much like I always do. I tend to have a way of overlooking the
accomplishments that define me. A perfect
example is I am the verge of smashing a record today, however, I am not focused
on that or what it means, not I am focused on the next joke or line of
jokes. Tonight I will go over 52,000
meters in Q4. Accomplishing a 92 day
goal I set for myself in 50 days. Instead
of thinking about this and what does it mean for me. I am thinking about something to make people
laugh and take the attention away from what really matters? Why do I do that? Just like when I am in the locker room and the
old guys in there ask me how much I just swam, I tell them oh about an
hour. When I just spend almost too in
the pool? Am I modest? No. Am I scared of what being successful could
mean? Why do I hide person am behind a
bunch of non-sense? Just like why I am burying
this message about not achieving a goal, but fucking destroying it in the middle
of a blog on my latest bit. How many
times have I been on the verge of living the life I deserved to only fail when
the moment to be great is upon me? I am
better than when I started this blog. I
am not perfect; I have a long way to go.
However, I have taken my swimming to the next level. Yes, I have
completed halves; in some circles I was even know as the “Walker of Halves” and
in other the “Betrayer of Hope”. Yes, I
have done over 9 Tri’s. The truth is I
don’t remember how many that I have done or participated in. Yes, I have CPA license, but let’s be honest,
it doesn’t mean that much to me. Hell it
is expired. The truth is the decision for
me to be a CPA was made before I ever left Terre Haute, it was part of the
plan. I graduated from college but I was
supposed to. That is what I was told my
whole life. So yes, I have accomplished
much, bought a house, own my car.
However, this goal, the 52,000 meters is different. This is my goal; a goal built in good faith,
to help me on the Path of the Beam and towards the bed of roses that lay in the
shadows of the Dark Tower, My Tower. The
Tower that is closer. The life I want to
live. I didn’t know that my goal would
become an obsession. I had hoped, but
didn’t know. I didn’t know that I would
turn three one thousand meter swims a week into five over 2,000 meter
swims. I knew the body was willing, but
did I have mental ability to stick with it.
With work and all the changes I am making, and the things I have lost and
learned to move on without. I have worked hard and triumphed. So tonight, I will cross over 52,000
meters. Tonight I will be one step
closer to the tower. My health, my life,
is my priority. I am what matters;
making a life I am proud of. I know what matters is the pool. Pushing my body to the limits and training
not for any event, but for my life. My health,
my heart, and my happiness. My food has
been less than perfect this week; I have been eating at home, but maybe eating
a bit more than I should. That will be
remedied in a week with the arrival of the Roommate and a bargain struck in
good faith. Things are changing
though. Knowing I will be at home today,
I picked up lunch meat for sandwiches. I
would have never thought ahead about that before. I know it sounds dumb, but it
is the little things, like that are different.
Or choosing a hot dog over a brat, or getting hamburger and making my
own burger rather than going to Donald’s.
All these things are better and not fast food and the binge. I am getting better. I think the most important thing about
destroying 52,000 meters in 50 days is showing I am committed to changing my
life. I am committed to getting
healthy. I am committed to getting happy. I deserve this. I deserve to be the best Billy b I can be and
the version that has ran around California for the last ten years is a fake, a
coward who was afraid to move forward. The
time of the real Billy b is now. The
time of living each day of my life is today and it all starts with the pool and
the swimming. Because even though my stroke
is not perfect, I know I am good in the water.
I know I am getting better. The
pain I walk about with is from hard work.
Work I am proud of. I choose
LIFE. Well, haven’t I got off
track. Anyway think of me this
afternoon, think of me on the path of the beam.
Think of me as I cross over the 52,000 Meter mark. Think of me as my dreams start to become
reality.
As I was saying before, I was studying film on freestyle and
breaststroke last night. I have really
been focused on becoming a better breaststroker (um that sounds a bit awkward,
but hey ladies want to give it a try :D).
My breaststroke was totally old school and the base movement is there
but the stroke was awful. So I started
watching these videos on YouTube over the last few weeks. I took the knowledge
to the pol and started trying to use it.
Trying to make my technique better.
The YouTube wasn’t enough, so I bought GoSwim video with Katie and
Erik. I have studied over the last week
or so. Yes, I am a nerd, sue me. I am swimming for my life. I prefer to watch her over him on the
breaststroke and not only is it b/c she is well a she and has a great swimmers
body, but. Well it’s sort of awkward. When he swims the breaststroke, he is doing
it in a speedo, and well the side view shows, well a lot of package, and well,
I just don’t want to see that. There I
said it. Too much package watching Erik
swimming the breaststroke. God only
knows what I will see If I watch the butterfly. Katie no package and a blonde, see evil grin
spreading on my face. Any who truth be told
and all package jokes aside I watch them both b/c they both have the same good habits
in the water. So, I turn off the tape
last night and I am heading to my room to ready up on swim strokes (obsession people)
and I say to myself, Damn my breastroking is bad (really, really I mean this
whole concept gives so much to work with).
I told myself I needed a breast coach.
I started laughing uncontrollably to myself and wondered what people
would do if I started asking around for a breast coach. Do they even have those? I mean does a swim coach ever find himself
standing on the side of the pool and turn to his staff and say “Joe’s
breaststroke isn’t cutting it; we need to call in the Breast Coach.” I mean don’t
know. That is when I decided I had found
my true calling in life.
I have decided I will dedicate my life to the perfection of
the breaststroke. Then, I Billy b, Billy
of the Blackfish, Billy the Black, aka the Black Reaper can be a breast expert. I can get cards and everything. It will read “Bill Burkle, Breast Expert”. Then I could be that guy the coach calls in
to help teach people the breaststroke. I
could be the breast coach. This is all ironic
because I never considered myself a breast man.
That was always my good buddy Chip, he was the Tata guy. I was the leg guy, but to be a Breast Expert,
wow, it really has nice ring to it. Think about it, it really does. Come say it!
Bill Burkle, Breast Expert. Perhaps
I am a boob guy after all, or maybe I am just a boob.
Billy b
Breast Expert
1.800.bresprt
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