Page 88

Book of 2016

 - Page 88 -

Super tired right now and I am sure this will be riddled with typos, but I have to get this out.  More because I promised myself I would write everyday, even if it is only two words. Or as something as simple as yesterday and just a picture a few words and a happy day!  I think I took a big step today.  I admitted to a friend that I needed help.  that I couldn't control my eating on my own.  I think that is really huge, because I know I have an issue with compulsive eating, and I know that I want to deal with it and move on with my life.  Things have been so hard lately.  I have been getting it from all sides and I have not done a good job at taking care of myself.  I am still not 100% sure what my next step is, however,  I am committed to move forward and trying to figure that out.  If it is going to a live OA meeting.  Trying to find a sponsor.  Reaching out to a gentlemen Rachel pointed out to me who lost 180 pounds, he is local, and I think it would be so good for me to understand how he did it and have someone to talk to about it.  Honestly, I am going to do both go to OA and reach out to this dude.  However, I am not stopping there.  I am going to start leaning on my resources I already have.  I know a bunch of people who already do a lot of the stuff I want to be doing.  So, maybe it is time started getting back out in the world.  Also, as I was talking about with Rachel today it is so important to remember and be grateful for what we have.  It is so easy to go into a black hole, but if we remember to be grateful and we remember all the good in the world, then it is also easier to get positive.  If you are positive you feel good and if you feel good you want to do things to keep making you feel good.  Look I don't have all the answers right now, but I realize now as dark as it is, and as much as I can go off the rails that I am moving forward.  I am doing a lot of good things for Billy b right now.  That I am better now than I was two weeks ago.  That I am working through the darkness so I can enjoy the light.  That if I think good things, then good things will happen.  I am coming through this, I know I am and I am committed to keep moving forward and getting better.  Now off to bed with me.