Page 6

 

 Book of 2016

- Page 6 - 

I just like what that says.  Plan A's rarely work out and we must become adaptable.  My plan A was to start the year sugar free.  That hasn't worked out as planned.  So, what do you do?  for me I have been very keen on counting my points and eating as much Paleo as I can.  For example today at lunch went and got some pork at whole foods and then added in some paleo carrots (they were grilled) and seasoned.  Then I got some Paleo Sweet Tators and man where those good.  So plan didn't work, so plan B is eat within my points.  That way I am at least tracking to something. I think that is important.  Not to just let myself go HOG wild.  If I do that I lose.  

AND SIDE NOTE HERE! HOW IN THE FUCK is in In and Out Burger going to add bacon to the secret menu.  And if it is a secret why do I know about?  Now all I can think is Billy b go get you a nice double double with bacon, b/c really that is what I need.  A bacon double double... no no no... This news ranks up there with finding out that Burger King Delivers.  Somethings you are just better off not knowing.  For example I didn't need to know that Panda Express had orange chicken with bacon?  Why is that good idea?  how does that even make sense?  Anyway side rant over. 

If I don't at least hold myself to some standard then I will just eat and eat and eat.  It isn't hunger that drives my eating.  It is something else.  It is like a never ending void that I can't put enough into it.  No matter how hard I try or how much I add, it just never fills up.  Why am I so empty?

Part of Plan A was no sugar and going to WW for fellowship.  Plan B is follow my points until next week when I start a new challenge, but keeping going to WW for the fellowship.  There is some aspect to this hole that is loneliness.   It has to be.  Some part of it is insecurity about who I am and what am I doing with my life.  Perhaps pat of Plan B needs to encompass the journey into the mind and looking at the reasons I do what I do? We started that, do you remember?  We went into the rabbit hole and things got better for a while. Then something, some how makes me slip and we we go back.  Is that Plan A failing or is that just life?

 

I don't know.  I read some where before one can lose wight one must first understand the issue that makes him or her fat.  For me it is filling that hole.  For a while my blog filled the hole.  For a while my writing filled it.   I reach out to friends all the time to chat to try and fill it.  At what point in time does a man of 40 figure shit out?  At what point does he pull it all together and become the person he was born to be?  Is that Plan B or is that Plan ZZ.  I am not really sure, but I am committed finding out. 

I am enjoy this turning each page and writing.  It gets me writing and keeps me writing and thinking about who and what I want to be.  

I walked again this a.m.  It wasn't a long walk but it was a good walk.  

no idea where I was going with any of this... work got in the way....