Everyday it's the same. The same lack of enthusiasm that fails to get me out of bed. When you are heading to a place you don't respect, how can you want to go there. I always thought when the time was right, it be easy, I could find something I liked and just go and that would be it. Everyone loves Billy b right? It's been a very humanizing process. To find out when you think your special that your really just like everyone and thing else.
I told you over the weekend that I felt it coming on. That the black was lurking. I tried to push if away. Hide from it but it always finds me.
Each morning this week I stay in bed a little later. I feel a little weaker. I hunger a little more. I've been able to maintain for the most part. However we are on a razors edge very close to falling one way or another.
This is the moment every hero comes to. The one where he or she has no idea how it could get any better, that things are so dark around them they just want to lay down and sleep or die. The huge question is if things remain the same how do we embrace that? How do we rise above the childish wars that surround us, and focus on ourselves and our professional responsibility? However to exist in a toxic realm? We are talking Thunderclap here people, the air is poison, the land is scourged, and sky is black.
If I am to maintain how do I do it, when surrounded by so much darkness?
I don't know. I'm told I need to embrace because the world knows I'm putting out bad vibes and everyone can feel it.
I've done some stupid shit lately. Compromised who i thought I was. Crossed boundaries I can't or shouldn't.
I have to get a fucking grip.
I have to stand and be true... But how
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