Page 99

Book of 2016

- Page 99 - 

This picture has nothing to do with my post tonight.  Other than Noid and avoid rhyme with void.  Do you remember this little bastard.  Always haunting Domino's Pizzas.  Trying to reunion fresh hot home delivered pizza (maybe I do b/c I am a fat ass).  I even remember when he finally got his comeuppances.  Follow link to video:  https://youtu.be/BMoOhg3SmeM  ok so you might have to copy and paste it. 

Anyway tonight I did not avoid the Noid.  No tonight I avoided the void.  Which for me is a huge win!  I knew it would start at some point in between my long drive back from Dublin and getting home to sit down and eat dinner that the void would come'a'callin and I would want to answer that call.  The void is funny in the things it will gush out at you as all you are trying to do is drive to your PT appointment and then hit the store so you can get a few items for dinner.  It will remind you of your worst day, when you felt so ashamed. It will remind you that it is Friday night and the only date you have is a 70 lbs blonde, who gets mad at you when you write your blog, and spends the rest of the night laying across you so you can't get away.  Its not a bad night and you love that blonde, but sometimes you want a little more than night at home with Shiner puppy, I think we all do.  I tells you about the heartache, and the pain, and how this time won't be any different.  That you are alone, a loser, and if you had a life then perhaps you would have more to do than eat a boca burger, watch Psych and have the dog chase a lazier.  It the voice inside that compels you to eat. It is the voice that leads you down a dark path.  It is sweet and offers a moments peace and serenity that you can't seem to find in anything else. That is just the nature of the void and how it works.  It is full of lies and false promises, but it is as real as i am.  It goes every where I do.  And so like clock work on a friday night I was faced with the choices.  Fight on or just have one more slip.  Just one more drive thru, or pizza, or whatever you want to have.  Fuck it, let go.  You can't change things.  You are a failure.  You are a loser!  You are fat!  You are a junkie, and I am your poison and it will never change.

Then... you do something you haven't done a lot lately, you tell it no!  For the 2nd time this week you tell the void no!  I have a plan.  It might be a day at a time, but damn it is my plan and I am going to follow thru with it.  I have my cheat day lined up.  I talked about it with Sue, we are going to give it a try.  That day isn't today.  That is also a story for another day.  So, you say no.  You stick to your plan.  You fight its sweet soothing voice.  Its childish rants and raves.  Its hateful bitterness that tries to draw you in.  You ignore and you follow plan and it feels, well it feels good.  You one today!  That is all you can ask for is a win today!  Tomorrow will be what it is, you don't care about tomorrow you only care about Today!  Today you did good. Today you stayed on target.  Today you avoided the void and that is just music to my ears!!! 

Happy Friday!!1