Page 116 and 117

Book of 2016

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That is what yesterday felt like most of the day!  You have them, we all do, it was a bad day.

Then you have to realize at some point to

And then today ain't so bad

Ok well maybe it is not all sunshine and blue skies, but the sun is peaking thru, you are smiling again.  Even if you feel like a big stupid jerk at times.  You have to just keep calm and not beat yourself up.  Yesterday was a bad day. Today you had two accidents with the football.  The first one you were talking to your boss and you accidentally let the football you for some reason had in your hand slip out of your hand and it lands in his salad.  He said it was all good, and you think it didn't may hit the salad, but .... then again maybe it did.

you know you should have stopped there.  put the ball down.  go do some work, but that voice, not the void, but the two year old that lives in  your head tells you keep the ball in your hand and throw it around.  So you do a little bit.  You pick it up and you see a friend heads down.  you decide that it would a great idea to toss the ball over her head and hit the blinds behind her and scare the hell out of her.  Its all in the name of good fun and you love to fuck with people.  So you decide to do it, you toss the ball and that is when everything goes wrong.  Your arm hasn't been reliable since you were 12 years old.  So instead of throwing high and away you throw a bullet.  Instead of the ball going over the head of your person, it goes right at them.  Thank goodness it misses but, maybe even worse, it drills her plate full of salad.  It hits her plate full of salad and it sprays every where.  All over her, her desk, and files.  You immediately get that feeling you used to get as a child when you know you did something bad and you want to run and go hide from it.  Then when you get openly yelled at you feel even worse.  Then you go and clean it up and you can't help but laugh b/c it is simultaneous funny and not funny at the same time.  You feel awful and you keep saying I couldn't have hit that if I wanted too and I am so so sorry.  You feel like an asshole. You keep apologizing and wonder why do you do some of the shit you do. 

Then you look out side and the sun is outside. You ate a good breakfast and a good lunch, you will do better today and get back to the walking.  yesterday you were off.  you know that one action doesn't define you.  One meal can't define you either.  You are on the path and you can get better.  Today is a better day. Although you really should get ride of the football.