The Buddy System: 6 hour slow jerk....

I knew I was going to have a field day with this blog the minute I thought of the title. So many ways, I can go with it and you know exactly what I am thinking. And you are right, this is toilet humor at its best. It probably goes as far to show my real age than anything else.

Let's not be fooled a 6 hour slow jerk is not a distance cousin of the four hour dry hump. Which can be applied to my junior prom night or 99.9% of the seasons Peyton QB'ed the Colts. Making us think we were going to win, only to choke on the big one (all seasons starting off double digit undefeated only to go out without even a ting). However, that is the 6 hour slow jerk, no, no, no. It also isn't a reference to the Boy and his legendary day knuckling 7 out in one day. Hey we were all young once right? No, that is a six hour slow jerk. It also isn't something you get in the red light district in Amsterdam, or something you can get in a strip club in Mexico for 25 bucks, not that I know that or anything. No, no... that isn't it at all. When we are talking about the six hour slow jerk we are talking about one thing and one thing only and that is the jerking of my meat on a Saturday in San Jose. That meat more specifically five chicken boobs... mmm Boobs!

I had never had jerked chicken before. However, I always heard Shawn and Gus talk about it on the TV show Psych so it was always something I wanted to try (above). It just sounded really good. Even in the Xmas episode "Gus's dad might have killed an old guy" when Gus and his parents list out the ingredients via their acute smelling, I knew I wanted to try a jerked Chicken. I also, knew when I did a jerked chicken I would be making disgusting references to jerking =-) I am who I am.

Shall we do some jerking now?

- Line up all your spices like good little soldiers. (what do we have there Cumin, Onion Powder, Garlic Powder, black pepper, mrs dash, ceyanne, Paprika, and not pictured is the white pepper, the boobs wrapped up, and the big clear bowl, we call the big clear bowl).

- I start with the mrs dash, which I replace all salt with now and I dig it.

- a dash or two of paprika.

- starting to look good in there.

- Now add the big dog, Cayenne Pepper, so you have something that kicks!

- Lots of spices needed to make a nice rub for my jerk, wow... that is just an awkward sentence.

- Onion Powder in the house

- Big Bowl and Big Spice

- Ground Thyme making an appearance. Good for you Ground Thyme, good for your!

- White Pepper, I have never used white pepper before. I have no idea how it is different from his brothers red, and black, but here he is.

- starting to get an heaping mound of spices... yum!

- Garlic Powder coming into play

- The Black Pepper, look at that Kroger brand, I have not seen that in a long time, Rachel must have brought this back with her from Arizona. Lets go Krogering.... What I miss most about Kroger is Cost Cutter Beer. oops... tangent

- Now we have all our jerking spices ready to rub!

- Got to mix that shit up though. have to have a good mix!

- Enter the Boobs!

- Ready the Rub!

- Wash the boobs... I like washing boobs!

- Put the wet boob in dah rub!

- take two pictures for some reason???

- Then a 3rd... I really liked rubbing this boob I guess.

- Well perhaps they were different boobs? Look at them all in the pot, those are five boobs all potted!

- used ever ounce of rub!

What do you do while you are waiting for your 6 hour jerk? Well, if you are me, you walk, you blog, you watch supernatural, AND.... Make a Coconut Whipping Cream for your backed apples and berries!

In a bowl you put the coconut butter (which you get from coconut milk, who knew), you add a teaspoon of vanilla (2 if you are doubling it up), and two teaspoons of maple syrup, only the pure stuff. 100% Pure!

- then you get ready to beat it! I love this blog so much rubbing, beating, and jerking!!!!

- After trying to whisking for a few minutes you realize you efforts are futile, you thinking I can just dump it on... then you are like not, I started this, I have to finish. So, I got out the beaters...

- And I beat it...

and beat it...

It started to stand up...

so I beat it some more

and after a lot of beating, I got a nice whipping cream out of it.

- then you have to prep for the pulling... I pull everything... even my jerked chicken... why you ask? because I hate looking at chicken that isn't pulled b/c when I see a vessel in there for a tendon, I get all grossed out, so if I pull, I can't see it :D Pulling pan ready, with bear claws, they work best on Chicken.