You have to know when you read the title that Billy b really
is the open book he wants to be and he should close it a little bit for all of
our sakes or that shenanigans have or will be ensued. All I can say is that you have read and you
tell me what you think. Or read and
keep your fucking mouth shut because at the end of the day if I truly wanted
your opine I would ask. Or just laugh a
little or laugh a lot.
I will say one fundamental truth. A truth we all know. A truth we all live with. It is a truth that is plan as the nose on
your face. Fungus is not Fun!
Don’t like that one try this one: http://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2012/06/28/fighting-foot-fungus-isnt-fun/
The fact doesn’t change, fungus isn’t fun!
According to statistics gathered by Lamisil and Exos
Knowledge 15% of the general population have what I call the itch? 8% of all swimmers get the itch. Even worse are 20% of all males over the age
16 will have the itch at one point or another in their life? If you think recovering from an eating
disorder sucks, its nothing compared to that itching, burning, feeling you get
in places you would rather not blog about.
I have had the itch on and off for as long as I can
remember. It was contracted and thus my
long and painful battled with Athletes foot began. Look I know fungus isn’t a cool blog topic,
but sometimes you have to be full disclosure.
Yes, my name is Billy b and I have athlete’s foot, a.k.a. the itch. Now most people when referring to the itch
mean the poison ivy. Which is an itch of
a different kind all together? However,
since I have not had Poison Ivy since I was 22 we are not going to talk about
it. Who can forget that? I was at the Roach Motel in Bloomington, the
last night of my 4th year of school.
I come across this lovely chic who I always had a crush on and all I
could think about talking to her about was “Hey, I have poison ivy.” Yes, Billy
b who was 22 that is gonna get you the hook up every time. FAIL.
So let’s not get started on the Midwestern Itch or the Outdoor
Itch. Because we are talking about the
Athletes Feet and that is much better after all.
After years of being Itch free I went on a swimming binge
last Q4. I swam, and I swam, and I think
I swam a little bit more. Then one
fateful night, I must have forgotten my flip flops and I still had to shower,
b/c you need a hot shower after swimming in 40 degree weather and BAM, the itch
was back. It has been hiding between my
pinky toe and the 4th toe. It
comes and goes and goes and comes and it hurts big big. It burns.
It scratches. It itches. So bad in fact that I scratched and scratched
on Saturday night until I fucking bled.
Yes, I bled. It was bad.
So, then lets rewind to last Sunday. I sprung RG from the hospital. We had to go to Walgreens, which I am
convinced, now more than ever is the Circus Circus of the Pharmacy world. She was getting her meds. I was like fuck my toes still really
hurt. I need to treat this shit and my
lotion just isn’t doing the trick. So, I
look and look for the itch spray. I see
everything else from powder to Jock Itch to fucking hemroid cream and back
again, but nowhere did I see athlete foots spray or even cream. That is when I did something very
unmanly. I went and asked the
pharmacist. At this point RG is sitting
down and waiting for her RX and I am thankful because this where shit gets a
little weird, or at least at the time I was.
The pharmacist tells me it on the back wall. In the foot section right between the Powder
and the Roid cream it should be sitting there.
So I waltz back over there and I come face to face with the usual
names: LAmasil, Lotrim, fast acting
tinactin, gold balm powder, Micatin. You
name it the name was there, but they all read JOCK ITCH. I didn’t have Jock itch. I don’t think I have ever had the Jock
itch. And on the scale of fungi Jock
itch sounds a lot worse in my mind than Athletes foot. No idea why.
However, admit it, it does in your mind too. Admit it, damn u! Because it does I will prove it.
So, I go back to the lady and ask here where is the Athletes
foot stuff. She walks me out. She walks me over to exactly where she said
and points to the Jock Itch spray. There
it is she says. I am like but that is
Jock Itch. I don’t have Jock Itch. Oh no she says it is all fungi fighting stuff
and the basic fungus is the same, so the formula is the same. It is just a marketing thing by the drug
companies. I am standing thinking WHO IN
THE FUCK ARE THESE MARKETERS because they are worse than the people who came up
with New Coke and calling Pizza Hut just the HUT. There only one mother fucking Hutt and it is
Jabba the Hutt, so fuck you Pizza Hut.
So, I let her walk away.
I stand there and debate with myself on whether or not I am actually
going to buy a Jock Itch spray. I am
telling you it just makes people look at you differently.
It started with the cashier.
He did a double take. He
literally, looked at the can. Then
looked and me and then back down.
However, his face said it all. Oh
dude I am sorry you have the Jock Itch, I wouldn’t want to be you. So I am trying to hide this thing canister of
JOCK ITCH Spray and not let anyone else see that I have it. Because I am dude right, and I don’t have no
purse and what most people don’t understand about California is you have to pay
for bags now, so I don’t got no bag for my Jock Itch spray. However, I have to get in the car. So, it’s hard enough for me to get in a car
when I don’t have a spray can in my hand, so without thinking, I had the can to
my roommate as I slide into the car and when I seat belt up she practically
throws the canister at me as if I had actually handed her jock itch and not a
can that said it. He eyes were hug and
she was like um Billy b is there something you want to explain here? So I tried to explain to her what the
pharmacist told me. Although she said ya
all fungus is the same, her eyes told a different story. She was judging me. Her eyes said it all, you need to shower more
often you dirty bastard and get some fucking compression shorts. I could only shake my head and put the car in
drive and go home in shame.
So I marched in the house and without thinking put my canister
of jock itch spray on the coffee table.
No wonder shortly after my roommate left to stay at her aunts for a week
or so. I go and look up: Lamasil, Lotrim, fast acting tinactin, gold
balm powder, Micatin and guess what they all still sell Athlete’s foot spray. I told you Walgreens was the Circus Circus of
fucking drug stores. Fuckers!!!!
However, the next night things got even worse. I needed help with my bed. So, I do what I do I called the Hector over. I never thought he would bring his lady over
as well. You have to remember Hector isn’t
the sharpest tool in the shed. The
opposite actually, and I am pretty sure that Shiner might be able to outwit
him. So, I realize the canister is still
sitting and I try to move it. And he
blurts out Oh ya, I saw that so you have JOCK ITCH, that’s messed up. All I could do was hang my head in
shame. I mean was it even worth trying
to explain. I just started laughing and laughing and
laughing!!!! What else can you do when
everything things you have Jock Itch!
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