If I survive the day without going to far outside the tracks
I will be amazed. Last days of the
quarter normally suck. Today multiply that by 100 and you might have some idea
of where I am today. However, I will
give myself a small allowance today.
Tomorrow I go back to the pool.
So that will make things better.
I ate in my point so far today.
However, I am not sure how much longer I can maintain. It’s is ok though. I will get by and I will survive. I am resilient that way. My Sales VP is trying to get me to go to
Hooters with him, but I told him I have to stay the course. I broke down in his office today, well really
broke down on the poor guy twice in the last 24 hours. Real professional, but then again professionalism
was never been my strong suit. The fact
of the matter is I will continue to maintain.
What other choice do I have? Really,
I don’t have any do I? The last week and
first week of the quarter are always hard.
The last week I lost 4.8 pounds.
This week, I will try to just keep the scale going in the right
direction.
The hardest is thing is to believe that there will be a light
at the end of the tunnel. I know it is
always darkest before the dawn. I know
that it is going to get darker before it will get lighter. However, I have to believe that it will get
better and that it won’t always be so dark. I have to believe that. I wouldn’t be the kid if I didn’t, I wouldn’t
be the kid. I wouldn’t be a dreamer. I
wouldn’t be me. I have lost my ability
to dream twice in my life. I often refer
to is as being dead, because I felt dead.
I feel dead when hope is lost.
However, I know some day on the other side of this blog, I will find the
light. I will find my way. I have been dead twice, and I don’t
like. I have a lot of living to do
before I die. I have a ways to go to find the life I want. I don’t know where this journey is going,
well hell right now I don’t know where this blog is going.
I want to write but I am in a business meeting
right now listening to the sales VP bullshit through some contract. So, I can’t really focus. so fuck it, I am going to play some cards while I wait on him to finish up. its gonna be a long night. We really need to talk about the black dread... the darkness... and the other things... anyway... that is thoughts for another time...
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