If I could...

Your pissed.  You were bored all day. You shopped.  You chatted.  You went for tea.  You don't start to do any real work because once you do deals will come in and you'll get pull off your work.  This is quarter end.  This is what You do.  You support sales.  So I wait.  Nothing comes.  You do your 3:30 interview.  He's not what you'd hoped.  You go back to your desk.  You fool around.  You wait.  You pick out your 1300 yard swim work out bc it's been slow.  You know it will stay that way.  You'll go swim.  You'll go home.  You'll make dinner.  You go to your 5:15 interview.  She seems bad.  But wait. She get might just get it.  You talk her  through stuff.  You know she is rough but maybe she will work.  She has the potential.  Your Almost done.  The senior vp of sales tracks you down.  He says we need you.  You have work to do.  You look at the time it's 6.  You finish your interview.  You dread what is waiting for you.  You were gone an hour.  You have 36 emails.  You look at the clock.  Your not making it to the pool.  You start reading emails.  You see the work has piles up.  You are frustrated.  You keep working bc it's who you are.  It's your Midwestern work ethic.  It's fighting years of being called lazy.  You work.  You feel bad.  You get an image in the back of your head.  It's a double QPC and large fries with a side of 2 double cheeseburgers and more fries.  It's the binge an it's on your mind.  You try to ignore it, but the more work you do the later it gets the more it haunts you.  You work.  You think about food. You work 45 minutes pass your almost done.  You shut down bc it's modern age you can work from your phone.  You email.  You get emails.  You walk.  You pee.  You email.  You get to snow flake you think of McDonald's.  you tell yourself no.  You know though your going.  You knew the minute you bailed on your swim you were going.  You know this because you know your going to lose.  You know this time is no different.  You can lie to your friends.  You can blog, but you can't lie to yourself.  You know the binge always wins.  You want to believe you can beat it.  You can't.  Your flawed.  You don't work that way.  You get in the car.  You drive.  You tell yourself you won't binge.  You'll got to panda instead.  You'll eat that its better because the ordering the 4th entree and the pot stickers isn't a binge it's just over eating.  It happens.  You can't win them all.  It's just one more time. You head down 680 and you know you'll fail.  You can't do it.  You need to eat to feel good.  You need to feel better because you got stuck at work.  You can do it tonight it's the last time.  You ask how many last times have their been?  You drive in silence because you car is screwed up and you can't use your iPod.  Your mad again.  Your gonna binge.  You think. Your mind wanders.  You laugh bc you can entertain yourself without re radio bc your mind is like a magic box you have no idea what will come out of it next.  You dream.  You think a out happy things.  You think about being on the path.  You think about wanting to be healthy so you can be with the people who are important up you.  You think about it.  You think about how you will feel if you go to the drive thru.  If you stop at panda and just overheat.  You think of the hate you will feel.  The self loathing.  The lost time and chance.  You think of the excuse you will make to your readers.  You think about how many last times their have been.  You think bout how much hate the binge brings. How much destruction.  You think about your points.  You get on highway 87. You start talking to yourself out load.  You tell yourself you'll hate yourself if you do it.  You'll feel bad.  You are better than this.  You think about how you can do it! You tell yourself you can go to subway.  You can order 30 meatball subs for all you care.  You can do this because it would break the cycle.  You can do this bc it's a change.  You can do it bc you want to believe.  You make up your mind you can get any footling you want bc it fits into the points.  You think maybe just maybe I'll pull this off.  You think this time is different.  You pull onto blossom hill ad you tell yourself your proud, then you tell yourself to shut up bc your not out of the woods yet.  You have done it yet.  You pull into subway.  You do the math,  you have the points your order your footling.  You get a salad too.  You smile because you didn't fail.  You did right by you because what you want is worth it.  You smile because you changed the outcome.  You smile because you start to believe.  You can do this!  You are worth it!  Your goals are worthy.

My name is billy b.  I'm a food junky. I will fight my urge to over eat every day of my life.  However,  I will beat this because I believe I will.  Whatever the mind can believe and conceive it can achieve.

I can do this!