Momma said there would be days likes these (nights)

I'll start by saying I really don't like my job.  It's not the job I want to be doing or with the people I want to be doing it with.    I need to find a new one.  However with that said I have a work ethic.  I can see any Burkle reading this snickering.  But whatever I do.  I'm not the same little boy who used to go hide on the bathroom ever time we got home from the market so I wouldn't have to carry stuff in.  And yes my valued reader I did that.  

So today when 5:30 pm hit my hard cut off for work and I wasn't packing up I was mad.  Not because there was work to be done, but rather there wasn't work to be done.  The VP of sales wanted me to stay there just in case he needed me.  It's a good feeling knowing your an A player and one of the last powerful peeps in your company want you to stay just on case, but who wants to sit at work and do nothing?  Not me.  So as five turned to 5:45 and then six and there was not sign of him letting me go I got angry.  Then I looked out on the hallway and the new finance management team was still working too.  Keeping people passed five   Bc they think that is their god given right and I got angrier.  Then when's new boss came to me and said I need you to do x, y, and z when can you do it, I got furious.  What the fuck would they have done if I wasn't there? Hmm?  

The point of all this is that when I get like this, thinking about how I can't get out of work. Thinking I won't get home till 9 or 10.  I start thinking about what is for dinner?  And dinner on a night like tonight has always been McDonalds, Burger King, or the Pizza.   It's my just ill pick up something quick.  No, it's about feeling better!  It's about the binge.  It's about the time between the start of a good binge and the end of one where I think of nothing but the taste of the binge.  The slight euphoria of it.  Oh.  I knew one thing was for sure.  Tonight I was binging and tonight I was going to do it up right!

As I sat at work as 6 turned to 6:30.  I thought, maybe nothing has changed.  Maybe I'm still the same person.  Maybe it never will. 

So at that point i did something knew and I texted my buddy Kenny.  I told him "I'm totally stressed and mad and I want to go home and eat three whoppers!"

He text back and said no, why are you stressed and mad. 

I told him. 

But at the same time I decided you know what this job ain't worth it.  So I packed my bag.  Turned to Te svp of sales and said if you need me email me.  He is like are you going to work out?  I said no, I'm going home, I want to go home and I walked out.

The binge was on my mind.  I texted Kenny and him i was leaving.  Told him I had to go.

I drove.  And I thought.  I drove an I thought.  I knew one thing I didn't want to binge.  I didn't.  I wanted this time to be different.  I want to win this time. 

Kenny texted me to check on me. 

I said kenny I want McDonald and I want bK but I can't.  I am going home and making sloppy willy's weight watchers version of sloppy joe's.

And that is what I did.  I won again tonight.  The next two weeks will be hard bc of work.  But the wins are rolling in. 

Thanks kenny for being my life line.

And boom we win again!

Good night :)