Dear Valued Reader:
I was too much of a coward last night to make a confession. I broke last night and I binged. If the buddy system is going to work, then I have
to be 100% honest. I can’t hide the
things that are bothering. I can sit
here and make all types of excuses.
However, last night, I didn’t want to succeed. After a disagreement over
a project at work, and staying at work until like 8 something being moral
support and a guiding hand, I just didn’t want to deal with anything and by the
time I got home I had no hope and extremely less discipline. Even know I had a fridge full of food, I
still failed I found myself at In and Out Burger and in the drive thru, I
broke. I order a meal… then I decided to
Extra Burgers would make this just a perfect night. I had life lines I chose not to use them. I don’t know why. I never talk about my binges. I never tell anyone about them. I do it and I have already expressed the mind
numbing quality the fix gives me. I can
sit here and say that I am an addict. I
have problem with food. However, the
truth is I just failed. This journey is
not and can never be a straight-line. I
will have ups and downs, strikes and gutters, and I will fail. I will have bad nights, but I have to talk
about them and understand them. Understand
what leads me to them. Last night I was
upset, that I got pulled into a project, b/c all the shit at my company rolls
into the cube of the one person in finance that actually has a clue of what is
going on. I also get the feeling that
people put this all at my feet. I have always said I do the best I can. I work
my ass off. I do the best job I
can. When I know there is a mistake I
fix it. However, since joining this circus I have been spread thin, like butter
over to much bread. There have always
been around 22 or 23 holes in the damn and I only have 10 fingers and 10 toes
to plug them with. So that means there
will always be holes that I can’t cover.
Maybe that is me and in my mind.
Maybe, I am just to self-conscious and not confident enough in myself to
deal with it. Also, I am tired of all
the fucking politics, people trying to get into my business that shouldn’t be
getting into it. so I was tired and depressed
and I was weak. So I failed.
How could I have not failed?
1.
Go to the pool.
I should always have swimming gear in my car.
2.
Write in my blog
3.
Reach out to a friend
4.
Read my blog and remember that I am doing this
for me.
Also, what I have to understand and even though I failed,
the most important thing is what happens is what happens today. What happens now? The first thing I did was log my binge. I don’t normally do that. So that is a huge step forward. Two log today. Just because I failed last night doesn’t mean
that I can’t still have a successful week.
3 Get to the pool tonight and work off the binge. My bag is packed. I have to change my life or I won’t be along
to live it. I want to change my
life. I want to live. I choose life. So, here I am and hear my confession. Understand that one slip doesn’t make a complete
failure. Weight Watchers actually speaks
about this in meetings and on the website.
So, I will stand back up today because it is a new day and it is
beautiful and wonderful. I will get by
and I will survive. I WILL PICK MYSELF
UP AND MOVE FORWARD.
I CAN DO THIS!
Billy b
I have a confession:
ReplyDeleteSo as I was driving home last night from the gym.. it's around 8:10 pm... I'm dead tired. Just came from a 9 hour workday and then a 1 hr hard cardio workout. I know by the time I get home it's 8:30 and here I am thinking about dinner for Chris and I. Now the night before (when I actually had the time) I made Chicken Pesto; put it in the fridge to mix it with pasta tonight. That was the plan. But I'm soOO tempted to just stop by In-N-Out since it's right there on my way and that way I can actually get home, eat, sleep on time and not worry about anything else. The thought ran through my head over and over again as soon as I pulled out of the gym aaaaaall the way to In-N-Out and as I came to the Stop Sign... it was decision time. I stopped at the stop sign, looked left, looked right and then I moved. Moved on that is. I figured yes I'll be hating myself for the rest of the night as I'm making dinner at home but you know what.... it's worth it. I just worked my butt off at the gym and I already had a plan, and I'm sticking to it. I may not have realized it last night cuz I was so out of it but today, I feel soO good and happy about the choice I made. Lesson learned: stick to your plan – even if you have the worst day of your life. Your body will thank you the next day! =)