Page 131 and 132

Book of 2016

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Then and now and what really matters…

Then it was different.  I believed.  I had made a decision and I was happy with it.  I was in the best spot I had been in for years.  

Now, it changes from day to day if I believe or not.  I don’t know really what spot I am in and what I am doing.  

Sometimes I feel like the war rages on and I am the only man left manning the foxhole.  The brothers in arms are all gone.  Are they casualties of war or are you?  Perhaps, you have created your own personal hell?  That hell is you being alone in the foxhole and not quite understanding what the mission is supposed to be.  It was supposed to be different.  It was always supposed to be different.

I remember my dream a year ago.  It was vivid and real and it seemed like it would be truth.  The only truth is that sometimes things don’t go your way.  Sometimes you forget what you are going to say.  That is where I am at right now… lost my total train of thought when the phone rang.  

I am ready to be home. I want out of Vegas.  I get like this every time I come here.  I really am just ready to be back in San Jose.