Page 42

Book of 2016

- Page 42 -

I have been feeling strange of late, but my BP is good, my pulse is good, my eating is better, and H20 intake is good!  So, why am I so tired and why am I have flutters in my chest.  Is it really flutters or is it something else. I think at one point last night I was convince I had some form of lung cancer on the way home.  I know I go in an out of AFIB.  I know that I have had a higher salt intake lately than I want. I know I have cut back on salt and as I cut back I have felt better.  Whatever it is I don't know.  I know that I spend have my day worrying about it and the other half feeling fine.  However when I have been worrying about it lately, I have been telling myself OK, this is part of me, I stress and over analysis everything that goes on in my body.  So, what I started telling myself is to just go with it and I keep telling msyelf over and over and over again "It's Never Too Late!"  Accept things and remember "It's Never Too Late!" I am who I am and I have done what I have done and you know what "It's Never Too Late!".  I have so much living to do before I die, and I want to have a good life and I know "It's Never Too Late!" and that I can have one.  I will have one.  I have thought many times this year that I was jealous of these people who have had huge weight losses. How good I could look right now, and should look right now if I had only stayed on the path.  I think that is why the picture above means so much to me "It's Never Too Late! to be what you might have been!"  I could sit here and thing about it.  I could get mad.  I could stress out that I am on the verge of a major heart attack or stroke. I could do a lot of things, but it is what it is.  I am fat b/c I am not ready to be thin.  I am fat b/c I still have some self learning to do.  However, I also have to remember "It's Never Too Late!" I can still have my life.  I can still do great things. I can still dream of a bigger and better life. I can and I will because "It's Never Too Late!" I believe it is not to late. I believe, that I am almost at my convergence point.  Where understanding is just out of reach.  The reason why I hold onto my weight.  When I find, when I accept, then I can move on.  I can start living my life, no that isn't right, b/c I don't have to weight to start living my new life.  I think that life has begun.  I think my time is now.  "It's Never Too Late!" "It is not too late!"  I got this!  I am going to start it off with adding and adding more and more good stuff into my diet.  Berries, greens, food with no labels, so on and so forth.  Each day, no matter how hard it is, I get a little bit better.  Just a little better than before.  I know how I am feeling with pass.  I will find my energy again.  I mean i walked this a.m. and it is now 6 o'clock and I have been awake most of the day.  There was no post lunch crash.  Maybe that was the little green salad I had at lunch, maybe not.  I just know I am tired of complaining that I am tired. I am tired of getting bigger and not smaller.  I am tired of not accepting myself and who I am right here and right now.  I do accept myself unconditionally right now and I know "It's Never Too Late! to be what you might have been!" because I know "It's Never Too Late!"