Getting Blown out.....

I am not stranger to blow outs.... not even a little bit.  However, what happened to these pants between lunch yesterday and the time I got home is another story all together.

I will be honest, I am sitting here and I don't feel like writing.  Not even a little.  I gained 3.8 pounds last week.  I would like to point a lot of fingers: to much sausage, to much dark chocolate (had a run on it), to much stress, to little stress, to much water, not enough water, body had lost ten pounds the previous three weeks, perhaps it went into starvation mode, I didn't take a big poop before I weight, i ate before I weight, this, that the other.  It doesn't really matter.  The fact of the matter is things are still going in the right direction.  And frankly that is all I need to hear about it.  I am still at least 6 waist sizes down.  How do I know this because I wore pants I hadn't worn in 2 years an d they are 6 waste sizes smaller than what I was wearing when I started this.

these where the pants I was wearing in November:

As you can see there is a lot of room there =)

Then again, the pants I work yesterday I had never worn, they fit great.  And bam... I lost the ass in them.  It started with little tear at lunch getting into Gabe's car.  I heard.  I knew that sound, I had heard it before back in.....

It was the summer of 1993 and my Dad got me on at the Bank again as a teller.  I totally protested, I wanted to be stock boy at a grocery store, or a lawn boy, anything but a teller, but Dad, one that battle.  Funny how Dad one a lot of those, it happens when he holds the title to your car and the place where you live.  So I go back to work slinging peoples money at a bank.  I was a big guy even at 18.  Not as big as I am now, but big enough for every one to tell me how fat I was.  

However, I was well dressed, and always had a good tie on.

I am working one weekday afternoon at the Springhill Branch of THFNB.  Springhill was the busy branch, never a free moment in that place.  I went to work there with dread in my heart.  So I was working away one day and waiting on a customer, who asked for a roll of nickels.  Who the f gets a roll of nickels anyway?  As I reach down for them, and they totally slip out of my hand.  Billy b who had grown up being a catcher his entire life, and a good one for a lefty, I will say.  So when I dropped the nickels it was natural for me to drop into my catcher's crotch to pick up what I had dropped. When I did though, it was not pretty.  I squatted and as I did, I heard it.  A sound that will remain with me until the day I move into the clearing at the end of the path.  A rip, that was so loud, I am sure the rest customer must have heard it.  If she did, she made no sign of it.  However, the Billy b had a blow out.  Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to side shuffle your way from one end of the bank to another?  Then have the head teller come down and shut your window down and send you home to change. Well, it sucks. However, most stories would end there, but not mine.  No, not mine.  It had been raining that day, which meant my brothers who both worked out doors where at home.  Younger brothers best friend there too, why the f not.  Mom home as well.  They were all seated around the kitchen table.  I walked by them without a word and went into my room and changed.  My mom came in and was like what is wrong.  She saw the pants, and she smiled and went back to the kitchen.  I was greeted with a roar of laughter when I passed back through the kitchen  and jeers that only brothers and brother's best friends can really do well.  Then to top it off, when I got back to the office, every other teller just looked at me and smiled, so evidently the head teller could keep a secret about as well as my mom. (love you mom=)

So, when i heard the tear yesterday getting into Gabe's car, I feared the worse.  However, when we got to BW3's it really wasn't that bad.  My shirt was long, so I was sure that I could get through he day.  However, there was more tearing when I got back into Gabe's car, again, not some much that the shirt couldn't hide it.  However, as the afternoon wore on and getting up and down from my seat to do work, they just kept ripping and ripping.  Thank god for boxer briefs so my boys couldn't hang out.  now that would have been terrifying.  Then I get into snow flake to go home and I hear another rip.  At this point I am like why the fuck not.  It should have ended there, but when I got home I was in a hurry to get them off get changed and get off to my appointment.  So, there I was dropping trow right as I walked in the door, I didn't bother to take my tennis shoes off and my left foot got stuck in the leg and, pants ruined.  you see what is left of them.  It looks like my pants had there own personal chest burster, or I ripped the loudest most raunchy fart of them all, which if I did or did not do that it is not your business, but mine.

So, to be honest, am I disappointed about putting back on three pounds, ya, I am, but I have to look at the body of work I have done.  I also have to look after every gain there has been a big lose.  Sometimes my body doesn't process things fast enough.

There is some fear though gaining this week, a week from today I go to the island's and I will be out of my element.  I will have to make good choices and well as much as I want too, I am a weak man at times.  80%, that is all we are trying to do, is be 80% paleo and not get back on the sugar.  I will eat lots of meat, and stay away from dessert and Pancakes, stupid pancakes, with your syrup and bananas and chocolate chips sometimes...  Oh well... I will get buy, b/c I am doing it this time, I am changing my life and blow out or no blow out and up or down that isn't going to change.  I will do this!!!!

Because I will take six waste sizes and a blow out any day over feeling as awful as I did back in November and before Paleo.  I feel good now.  I have to keep on keeping on!

100 Days.....

Look at it, below, that should say it all, but it doesn't.  It isn't even close.  That is my current streak on MyfitnessPal, which shows what I have eaten every day for the last 100 days, and that I have been doing Paleo for 100 days.  42 pounds are gone and never coming back.  AFIB was entered into, and is gone and I am taking care of my BP and my heart better than I ever have.  100 days!  I can't believe I actually hit this milestone.  I just can't, but to understand that you have to go back to November.  Back to the first day I unpacked that first box of Pre-Made Paleo.

When I signed up for Pre-made paleo, I was at my wits end.  I was strung out out on fast food and sugar.  I saw no real way out.  I was depressed and scared because I knew if that I didn't do something new, then I would not be around for very much longer.

I watched a couple of movies Food Matters and The Perfect Human Diet and they talked about a Paleo diet.  My roommate at the time had spoken of Paleo Diets, and I found myself saying to myself maybe I should give it a try.  However, I just don't have time to cook for myself.  So, I order pre-made paleo.

I will never forget how depressed I was when this huge box of food and started to put food into the fridge. I was like it has come to this, I am a freak. I have to eat these special meals.  I am fucking freak and I have totally ruined my life.  I am not sure why I was so depressed, but I was.  I just felt so strange and discouraged.

As I looked at the food and started to eat things like chili, pulled pork, and beef burgers from Pre-made Paleo, I started to think not only can I do this myself, but it will taste better too.  So, one weekend I got the crock pot out and started to try to do it myself:

And my life changed.  And I kept doing it:

and Kept trying different things:  16 hour pull biggie

And I just kept learning and trying new things:


Ommies:

Chili's:

Fajitas:

Boobs:

Dips:

Pancakes:

Pizza's:

Tortilla's:

And Crepes:

It really freaks me out! That I have changed so much and how much I love cooking!!!! How into taking care of myself I am.  That I am so committed and happy with my progress.  That I keep cooking every day and trying new and bolder things.  I read labels.  I try to do paleo 100%.  I am not alway so good, but damn it I do try!!!! And I try HARD!  My life is changing. My priorities have changed.

100 days and it is just the beginning.  It is the start of something special and something great!  It is my life and it isn't what it was before.  This is a new life for a new me.  My tower is on the horizon.  My life has begun again new.  The wheel of Ka propels me forward!!!  I can do this!  I will do this! I am doing this.

I was in the hot tub the other day after a long swim.  I was alone in the hot tub,  I was stretching and watching the other swimmers in the pool.  I was thinking about going home and cooking.  I was thinking about not eating bullshit anymore.  And that is when the voice in the front part the right side of my brain asked a question "Are we really going to do this?"

I sat there and started grinning like a goon, sliding back and forth in my stretches.  The voice from the back side the the left part of my brain, the one who normally talks like a brit answered "Doing what?"

The front right side said answered what I already knew "Making our dreams come true!"

and I sat there and I looked into the sky and smiled and knew that is exactly what I was doing, making my dreams come true!!!!!!

A little bit of this, and a whole lot of that....

You ever just have one of those saturdays that is super productive, but at the same time you feel completely discombobulated? That was yesterday for me.  Overall a great day, but I was a little off my game.  Really, have been off my game since Thursday.  I have been feeling a lot like Ka Mai lately, you know destiny's fool.  I have been pushy, trying to be more assertive and not so damn passive aggressive and it doesn't really work for me.  So I do this quasi Passive thing.  It doesn't really work and I end up looking as if I have not grown at all in the last two years.  And as a matter of fact, I haven't, I have actually shrunk!  Go Billy, go Billy!  42 pounds and shrinking!!!!  I got this.  Anyway, my thursday just got crazy and it brought some things into play, I am not 100% how to deal with.  My Chi is good right now, my space is good, and do we want to rock that?  Some say Si and some say No.  Anyway, that is another story for another time.  However, things really got out of whack on Friday, when I tried to sneak out of the home office and steal a swim at 1 p.m. when I should have been working.  See, I have this mesh gear bag.  I had it sitting on the back of my car.  I got in a hurry leaving for the pool.  And I must have left it there.  And driven off with it on the back of my car.  And now it is gone.  I am really that fucking dumb to drive off with my gear bag on the back of my car and not notice it.  Am I?  Yes, yes I am.  No where to be found.  I retraced my steps twice.  Gone poof, just fucking gone.  In the bag there is: flippers, paddles (not the kinky kind, but the help you with your stroke kind, which I guess when said like that, that could be taken as kinky, but that isn't the stroke I am talking about, I am talking swim technique, pervs!), pull buoy, goggles, ring of time, 20 work outs, two workout books, and that nicest and greatest gift I ever remember getting as it was a testament to true friendship.  The gift was from Kenny, whom I hate.  He was leaving the dynamic work duo, for greener pastures, and I had lent him my Pala for a while to him and his family.  In kind they gave me  a Garmin Swim, and I almost cried.  Just like when it hit me, when I lost this mesh swim bag, some where in between here and the gym, that I had lost this gift, and I was in fact Ka Mai.  When I told Kenny, he laughed, I felt awful, but he said he wasn't surprised because I was an idiot and I do dumb shit all the time.  Kai Mai?  I mean if you don't believe me take a look a that photo above. I mean it doesn't get anymore dumb than than, but we will get to that in a minute. Kenny, i do feel bad, thanks for being a sounding board friday night and yesterday, you are GOOD People, some of the best we know.  

However, my decent into discombobulation had really just begun.  Yesterday the decision was made to make Paleo Taco's, and some sweet crepes for dessert.  This was before I had learned of my awesome 4.6 lbs lost.  I am still stoked and feeling rather bad ass.  Rachel texted and asked if I wanted to hang with her and I said no, but if you want to bring shiner over you can, no I didn't say that, but wish I would have thought of it, b/c it is pretty funny.  So, the girls were coming over for dinner.  So, I started my weekly blog on what I was cooking.  And it started like this.....

Dice some pepper:

Wash Strawberries for sweet crepes:

Peppers diced and then watch some you tube videos on who to dice a tomato.

Try to do what you watched:

Realize it isn't working at all:

Photo graph yourself looking said b/c you couldn't properly dice a tomato.  Give yourself no slack because you have diced maybe a handful of tomatoes in your life and the chef on the tv probably dices at least a handful a day.

Fuck it, they work right?

Get the coconut milk ready for making whipping cream:

Beaters out:

Get them spinning:

Whip it, Whip it good:

And cream is had:

Dice your berries...

Make home made taco seasoning:

looks good!  And I finally have the answer to why every package of store bought taco seasoning smell the same, it is Cumin, that is the smell, I have nailed it!

At this point though you totally forget about your blog because you are watching Psych the musical and you know that this is going to be your future life when you move to Santa Barbara.  You, Shawn, and Gus the ultimate triple threat.

Then you go to make sweet crepes and you are closing up the bag you use for the arrowroot flour and you are trying to gently squeeze the air out of it, and very slowly pushing it out of the bag and suddenly you push to hard and the next thing you know you have a mess on your hands!  A destiny's fool moment?  Perhaps, perhaps not?

However, you remember to photo graph you sweet crepe.

Cover that thing in some paleo whipped cream made out of coconut milk, and fresh berries.

Ah, see the surprise in the middle the dark chocolate =)  This was an excellent paleo dessert.  You have to go easy on the Dark Chocolate, and you can't have it all the time.  I will also have to look for better quality Dark Chocolate.  However, this really hit the spot.

Get up this a.m. and start getting your chicken fajitas ready:

Meat is marinated over night, in some red wine vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, and lime juice.  Looks looks nice.

Add chicken, and then add salsa and put it in for 8 hours!!!

Realize when you cook you use a lot of dishes!!!

I *am*... in a world... of shit.

or is that this guy?

I was just trying to show that i was exasperated because of the dishes to do, and ends up looking like private pile!  Great movie, first DVD I ever owned! Just some Billy b trivia.

steak marinating for tonights grilling...

There is the tacos, not really good that I just remember to film them this a.m.

New man bag, a TNT one.  I think it is Cool, a lot better than the safeway back I carry my meds, lunch, and glasses in every day to work.

And that is a little of this and a little of that.... lol.  Just random days right now.  I do get puppy for the a few days starting tomorrow, excited about that.  

Ready for the week to start and you know what, I have a feeling this is going to be another great fucking week!!!

Billy b

What is with that silly grin?

I took this picture as I was exiting weight watchers today, I could't help but grin like a goof.  I walked in feeling a little bloated today and figuring I was going to go up on the scale.  However, when I stood on it, I got a pleasant surprise:  DOWN ANOTHER 4.6!!!!!  Yes, that is what I said, another 4.6 pounds are gone and never ever coming back! Basically, I am not longer carrying around a desk lamp, or an package of flour.  Overall, Myfitnesspal says I down officially down 42 pounds!!!!  Again, say good by to the 5 gallon water jug I lugged with me every where! Or if that doesn't paint a good picture for you, think about carrying a microwave oven with you every where you go!

HOWEVER, PEOPLE THAT ISN'T EVEN THE BIGGEST NEWS OF THE DAY!  NO SIR, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT!  The big news is I went to the dentist yesterday!

I always feel like this is what they make me do, when I walk in and they have me rinse right away.  I feel like they assume, I have the yuck mouth.  I mean I am sure they have all people do it, and it is a good idea for them.  However, the big news is I didn't have any cavities

Yay!!!!

Ok, not so, I lie.  the big news came when they took my blood pressure like they always do.  I noticed they even got a big cuff, just for me!  Well, I am sure that it isn't just for me, but you know, I like to think the world does its rotation around me and only me =)  And the reading was!

Dramatization, this was not the actually cuff used yesterday.  

That might not have been the actual cuff used, but the ready was spot on!  Spot on!  I was 120/80 yesterday and it freaks me the fuck out, b/c that is so awesome, considering about two months ago it was 190/110 and I was in AFIB.

I think swimming is the game changer for me.  Swimming is where I meditate.  It is where I find complete and total peace.  I also push myself really hard, will working through all the things I have on my mind: work, personal life, next meal, dog or no dog, trying to check out the hot chick in the next lane, and so on and so forth.  I am a completely different person when I am in the water more than 3 times a week.  I am calm, cool and all around just better.

Things are really starting to take off for me, I am a new and and I get better and better everyday.  I feel like I have total control over my life now and that is a great feeling to have!  Well, because, I feel like I have my life back.  I still have long way to go.  I still have another person to shed.  However, i am feeling good, looking better, and moving around better.  32 lbs we will have jeans on, riding our bike again, and inching closer and closer to my Tower!  Because it is fucking closer people.  It is every day!

Awesome!  Awesome!!!