Some times you have to swim angry

That is what i did tonight... i swam angry...  i had to do something.  it was the first time since i really started swimming in Q4 i didn't want to go.  I was frustrated with work. sometimes it is really hard for me, working so hard and so long for a company and it not being what you wanted or expect.  i guess i need not bitch about my job.  End of the day i need the job to support my life. it was more than that though.  i started thinking and wondering what exactly has my weight and eating issues cost me?  has it cost me opportunities? has it cost me happiness?  so i went to the pool, with A's urging b/c i told her like five times I didn't want to go and swam.  I swam hard and long and i felt pretty good, but i kept asking myself the question what has my weight cost me?  Then that leads to why didn't this opt work out, or why didn't this happen for me.  It starts this negative fucking cycle.  The negative talk starts... so to curb i just swam hard, and faster and din't take breaks.  I just moved... and kept moving... finally in my 200 breaststroke set i found some serenity and was able to turn off all the why's of my life.  Why I am still where I am ... why aren't at this place or that... and the washing of the water over my head sort of took away the why's... however as hard as i swam... I was in the pool for ever... 1:53:55...  for 2600 meters... i guess i was running on less fuel than i expected... probably what happens when you don't eat lunch until 5 b/c you had work at work :)

i don't know... i don't make any sense tonight.   i was frustrated with career shit... i swam hard.  i feel better...  end of the day that is what matters... really excited about my goals... really have to log closely and watch everything that goes into my mouth.  lets do this the die has been cast....

Tonight's swim was as follows:

- 600 Warm Up - breast/free
- 200 pull/kick free
- 200 pull/kick breast
- 400 kick moderate - fins
- 200 free
- 200 breast
- 400 IM Kick
- 400 breast cool down...

anyway... in bed read for sleep have to take out the dog one more time though, dog sitting is tough work...

night party people!