Farewell Fuzzy

Naval "Fuzzy" Mullan aka The Grand Fuzzler during his farewell lunch @ Spoons!

Farewell Fuzzy!

I feel like a speaker for the dead.  Here I am once again writing to report that one of the first people I met at my company last day is tomorrow.  After nine years Naval or as I will forever know him Fuzzy Naval (ha ha get it it's like a fuzzy navel but different) or just Fuzzy but on the rare occasion the Grand Fuzzler is leaving the company.  And it sucks ass!  I bet he doesn't remember but I first met him going to get Starbucks with the man who would become my boss.  We had guy talk, I can't tell you for sure what we talk about but we talked about guy stuff and I knew I would call this man friend.  My first day at the company we went out for his birthday and again his presents made me know id made the right choice.   What can you say about Fuzzy other than he's just a great guy.    A good father and family man as they always came first.  A dedicated co-worker who stayed with you more late nights than you care to count.  However, above all else you call friend.  He has the best golf stories and vacation stories.  Also, one time he screwed his college roommate out of $100 and it took 20 years and him telling me the story to show him on a white board that his math had gone terribly wrong.  I can quite honestly say I've been to Spoons (Hooters) with him more than anyone else.  I'm really going to miss Naval.  He is a GREAT guy and although I'm sad he is leaving, I'm so happy he is going!  Unless you've worked in that finance org you can't understand what I mean.  Can you believe there is only one person in finance that was there when I started now.  1 person left and it's not me because I high tailed it out of accounting a few months ago.   The really f'ed thing is 80% of the people that left, left in the last year or year and a half.  Hot market? Maybe. Better opportunities? Maybe.  But come on something seems skewed in that population.  90 plus turnover in finance and 100% in legal... Hmmm.  Strange.  However let's not talk about that now.  I digress, the point is another friend is leaving tomorrow.   Another friend is leaving and it bums me out, because I'll miss him.  Another friend is leaving and I'm smiling ear to ear because it's the best thing that could have happened to him!  Good Luck Fuzzy and never look back brother!  You will be missed!!!

the top three on the Problem List

The flow of creativity has been little to none lately.  Sometimes life is like that I guess.  It ebbs and flows.  I was in the office this morning cleaning up my desk, getting ready for the great company move, and also throwing away everything I have that is finance related.  Glad to get rid of that shit.  As I am going through the list, I came across the paper included in the photo.  It was the cover sheet from my last doctor’s visit.  Let me tell you when I read the first three things, I couldn’t have been prouder. 

No that is actually a lie.  I was not proud; I actually got very, very sad.  I love the fact that the first thing my doctor lists about me is a problem list and starting off the list is Morbid Obesity.   Look, I know I am fat.  I know am unhealthy fat.  I know better than anyone else how disgusting I look.  I am the one who has to look at me each morning in the mirror.  I am the one who sees me naked.  Well, me and my cleaning people and the one time I didn’t know my roommate was home, oops…  However to read it on a form from your doctor somehow makes it worse.  As if were a secret.  I don’t know why it made me sad, but it did.  The truth is I normally don’t feel like a fatty, but right now, it is all I can think about. 

Then there is the Essential Hypertension.  I read this using the only definition of essential I know and that is necessary.  I am like what the fuck.  I have necessary hypertension how does that make any sense at all.  Then I go and I google the word essential and it also means that “(of a disease) with no know external stimulus or cause, idiopathic. So, I go and google idiopathic and it says its meaning is “relating to or denoting any disease or condition that arises spontaneously or for which the cause is unknown.”  And I am like HELLO fuckers you just said I was morbidly obese.  So isn’t that the reason I most likely have “Essential Hypertension”?  I mean isn’t the essential really obvious.  I mean after all I have been fat most of my life.  Then again, I didn’t get hypertension till I started working my last job.  So, that would lead one to think it is related to stress b/c everyone knows in my last job I took a jolly rogering over everything that went wrong with that place.  So, if we know we had lots of stress and we are morbidly obese then don’t we have essential figured out? 

I know I have acid reflux.  I have battled acid most of my adult life.  So why can’t we just call it that, Acid?  Acid doesn’t sound too bad does it?  No no no, though we have to call it GERD.  And well GERD just sounds so bad.  It sounds like my limbs are going to start falling off or something.  I don’t know.  I just don’t like it.

As a matter of fact I hate all three.  I hate being a fat, high blood pressure having, acid bomb.  I wish I could sit here and say, you know we are going to change it.  However, I wonder if we ever are.  Every morning when I get up, I think about eating.  Hungry or not.  Fully tummy or not, I just want to eat.  Two bagel, bacon, and egg sandwiches later, I have done it.  If I am feeling really lazy, I will get McDonalds, so I don’t have to get out of the car.  Some mornings, I make it out of San Jose without eating, and I drink the proper Smoothie, I have made for myself.  Those mornings are few and far between.  I am just not feeling right now.  Perhaps this cold took more out of me than I realized.  Maybe those nights laying bed stoned to the balls on cough syrup changed me and took away my gift of hope, b/c I don’t see a lot right now.  Then again, they do say it is always darkest before a dawn.  So maybe this is just the blackest part of night and it will pass with the rising of a new sun. 

2 litros de agua cada mañana

I was watching Food Matters on Sunday.  It was one of several things I watch that day including but not limited to Parks and Recreation, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and burn notice.  When one of the speakers started talking about proper hydration techniques, and everyone who knows me knows I fear dehydration above all ailments.  David Wolfe is a bit of an extremist in my mind, as he is all raw food.  I will admit I can’t get 100% on-board with all raw, all the time.  It freaks me out a little.  However, that being said some of the things he had to say really spoke to me.  Drink two liters of water each morning first thing before you have coffee, tea, and food, whatever.  Now I drink a shit load of H2O.  I was up to 7 liters a day.  I have cut back to 5 liters b/c I honestly felt like I was drowning myself at 7.  It just didn’t feel right.  The first thing I was doing before the cold was to down a bottle of water before I got in the shower.  So, watching this cat speak I was like I can do two liters each morning ain’t no thang.    The last two mornings I have adopted it and I have to tell you I am liking it a lot.  Yes, I pee like a race horse and sometimes the hour long commute is a stretch.  I mean I practically run into the office and piss like a race horse, but a guy has to do what a guy has to do.  The last two days I have felt really fucking good.  You would have never guess yesterday was a Monday.  I felt great and energized.  Today, I was back at work by 6:45 after leaving at like 9.  Coming back from this cold is taking time.  It really kicked me in the nuts.  However, I am bouncing back.  Slowly but surely I am getting better.  I am starting to take small walks as I can finally breathe again.  I am working with my walking app again.  I mean it got restarted when my phone crashed, so it’s like a brand new program.  I am also back on the smoothies for breakfast.  Getting my kale in!  Again, starting all things very slowly but we are getting back into it.  I am even thinking about challenging myself to out swim myself from last year in Q4.  I have not decided that yet.  Again we are just taking things slow…  however, I do have to run an pee again 2 litros de agua and 3 cups of coffee will do that to a man.  This is like my 5^th trip…   oh well… happy last day of the quarter!!!

“I got too much momentum moving in my direction to lose” Eminem, We All Die One Day

I dropped another 1.6 pounds this week.  I am really pretty stoked about that.  I don’t really understand it because I was not eating well all the time.  I mean I am trying to do my best.  It is hard.  I know I still have a problem with food.  However, not feeling 100% I am not doing the proper amount of planning.    

I will just keep pushing forward b/c that is all I can do.  I am 98% right and well rested.  I should be back at 100% before I know it.  Then I can get back to swimming.  I just have to keep the momentum up.  I just have to do the best I can do. 

The cold put me into a rut.  However, the rut is almost at an end.  Then we can get on top of things and get our life in order. 

I need to get over this writing block I have been on ... it is the worst. 

Block

 

Block

I can’t really explain it.  I think this cold not only made me cough, cough, tear a stomach muscle, and cough some more.  It also stole my ability to dream.  The cough lessons each day.  Each day I feel better and stronger, I sit here and wait for my ability to dream to come back.  However, it doesn’t. 

Without my ability to dream, I can’t write.  If I can’t write, I can’t blog.  If I can’t blog, I am very sad.  I have already said it several times this isn’t the September we wanted to have.  However, it is the September we had.  Deal with it.

All writers get writers block.  Perhaps this cold just brought out mine.  Even in the midst of the block, I have been true to my weight watchers points!  Again, not that 100% behind the idea of being on WW again, but it at least gives me some needed boundaries while I eat whatever I want.  Why not roll with it. 

I still love my new job.  It is very exciting.  I feel needed, supported, and like I am making a difference that is a big thing.  There is a lot of room for improvements and I think I can make a big difference. 

Things are slowly but surely returning to normal.  I like normal.  I can start focusing on my health.  That is where my time is most needed.  I have walked the last three days.  That is a plus.  I have to keep moving.  So as I return back to health and things turn back to normal, I expect to get started on the battle again.  I expect this block to go away.  I expect to get better, better every day!

not according to plan...

 

 

Not according to plan… 

Buffalo wings, French Fries, double cheeseburgers aren’t healthy eating foods.  The first weekend since Labor Day I was able to eat and I went dark side.  I ate everything I didn’t want to eat.  What the fuck is up with that.  That isn’t what I wanted to do.  That isn’t the start to the New Year I wanted.  I wanted to come out swinging and fighting.  Not curled up on the bathroom floor yakking my brains out because I ate garbage. 

I need a plan.  I need to get on track.  I know diets don’t work.  Tyson has moved on.  He is starting another business.  I am so happy for him and his chasing his dreams, so he won’t have time to cook for me anymore.  So what do I do now?  The truth is I know exactly what to do.  I have always known what to do.  Move more, eat less, eat more green, eat less fried.  It isn’t hard.  Drink lots of water. 

I know the formula.  I know what to do.  I just need to execute.  Now more than ever, the 15 lbs is a good start.  I want to wear jeans again.  I have to get focused.  For the time being I will go back to counting points At least that way I have some guidelines to stay in while I figure out a more of a long term plan.

I don’t know.  I really want to start exercising and swimming again.  I am going crazy resting all the time.  However this cough is a brutal.  Brutal I say!  Anyway…  here is to healing and getting better! 

Still Alive

I am still alive.  All though sometimes i wonder how.   It has been a brutal experience since labor day.   Non-stop coughing, mucus like you wouldn't believe, rapid weight loss (over 15 lbs, best diet ever), insomnia, and over all just feeling like bad.  I also think I tore a stomach muscle from all the coughing.  I have this pain on the left side of my tummy.  It bugs me when I sit and when I drive.  If I stand up and stretch is seems to be fine.  If I put ben gay on the area it is fine.  Wouldn't be the first muscle I have pulled while coughing.

I'd say I am 90% right now, although, today I woke up with more of a cough than I would have liked. Oh well, I will be coughing until next summer we all know that anyway.  I should just get used to it and deal with it.  I am frustrated though. I want to feel better.  I want the storm to pass.  I want to be running at 110%.  So much to do still.  So far still to go.

I have a list of appointments I need to start checking off to make sure I come out of this better than i went into it.  I need to go back and see the doctor about my tummy.  Bad stuff is brewing down there. Sometimes I can't keep my food down.  Normally b/c I have eaten cheese or tomato based foods and i cough it up.  However, we know my tummy has been in bad shape for a while.  no one should have to take 3 prilosec OTC a day, and still get acid.  Also, I need to go back and have my sleep study updated.  i want to make sure I am getting the best sleep I can get.  Especially with not sleeping for a week.  I missed my dreams man.  I also have a date with the allergist.  It is time to put the care of my sinus in better hands then my own.  I need to get shots and clear this crap out.  I mean Mucus your a great diet, but honestly, I would rather eat salad and walk than have you clogging me up.

I just need to keep on keeping on.  Watching what I eat and not let me my addiction get the best of me.   i have now eaten everything I have wanted to eat and each food made me feel like crap.  Pizza hacked it.  Chicken wings, hacked it up. BBQ beef sandwich with cheese and onion, yup you guess hacked it up too.  i have to understand right now toast, soup, and the smoothie's are my allies.  Also, water, and more water.

do you realize if I loose 50 more lbs I can wear jeans again!!!!  JEANS!!!!!  I swear to god if I can get into jeans before the end of the year, I will dance the fucking jig and tape it and post it on here.  I want to do that.  I long for the day I can add jeans back into the rotation.  I mean khaki's and cargo pants are great, shorts too, but fuck I miss jeans.

So, lets do it, lets make a push for jeans!!!!  Jeans! Jeans! Jeans!

ok I am going to do a little 2o minute walk.  take a shower.  watch some parks and rec.  maybe do a little house work.  and focus on a plan to get me in jeans baby!


JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!  JEANS!