And so it ends....

Since September of last year, I have been trying to find the words to say goodbye.   These things take a while sometimes.  I was thinking I needed to end with a bang.  Three wonderful life altering entries into my blog that would astound and amaze.  Writing that where so good that life would change on the turn of a dime.  Life doesn't work that way, there is no silver bullet that will fix all.  

The truth is I stopped The Buddy System a long time ago.  When I realized life was about making me happy, not others.  That my goals needed to match my dreams not others.  People’s opinions, views, and judgements of you don’t matter, what makes you happy does.  What matters, what truly matters, is when you are standing at the base of your Dark Tower you can look at it, and you can say I did it my way, I did it the best I could, and I am satisfied with my how my life turned out.  That you have told people to keep their mouths shut and keep their fucking opinions to themselves. 

I didn’t know how much I had grown.  I didn’t let myself see it.  I was to focused on thinking I was a number on the scale, and not a person.  When I started this, I really thought my weight defined me.  My weight doesn’t mean shit.  It is a number.  I am more than a weight problem; I am a person.   I am Billy fucking b and I am awesome.

So, I am going.  This is it, this is the end to the buddy system, the girl I used know and loved is gone and the need to please others is as well.  So, now it is time to focus, really focus on getting healthy and letting go of everything and facing life, my fear, and everything else that I have stayed away from.  This is the last good-bye I swear.  The reasons I started this are gone, so the updates trying to make myself feel better about it are going too. 

I am not done writing.  There will be other blogs.  There will be other things coming from my fingertips but you dear reader that is for you to fine.  There are hints if you want to read Billy b, you can find him.