The flow of creativity has been little to none lately. Sometimes life is like that I guess. It ebbs and flows. I was in the office this morning cleaning up
my desk, getting ready for the great company move, and also throwing away
everything I have that is finance related.
Glad to get rid of that shit. As
I am going through the list, I came across the paper included in the
photo. It was the cover sheet from my
last doctor’s visit. Let me tell you
when I read the first three things, I couldn’t have been prouder.
No that is actually a lie.
I was not proud; I actually got very, very sad. I love the fact that the first thing my
doctor lists about me is a problem list and starting off the list is Morbid Obesity. Look,
I know I am fat. I know am unhealthy
fat. I know better than anyone else how
disgusting I look. I am the one who has
to look at me each morning in the mirror.
I am the one who sees me naked.
Well, me and my cleaning people and the one time I didn’t know my
roommate was home, oops… However to read
it on a form from your doctor somehow makes it worse. As if were a secret. I don’t know why it made me sad, but it
did. The truth is I normally don’t feel
like a fatty, but right now, it is all I can think about.
Then there is the Essential Hypertension. I read this using the only definition of
essential I know and that is necessary.
I am like what the fuck. I have
necessary hypertension how does that make any sense at all. Then I go and I google the word essential and
it also means that “(of a disease) with no know external stimulus or cause, idiopathic. So, I go and google idiopathic and it says its meaning
is “relating to or denoting any disease or condition that arises spontaneously
or for which the cause is unknown.” And
I am like HELLO fuckers you just said I was morbidly obese. So isn’t that the reason I most likely have “Essential
Hypertension”? I mean isn’t the
essential really obvious. I mean after
all I have been fat most of my life. Then again, I didn’t get hypertension till I
started working my last job. So, that
would lead one to think it is related to stress b/c everyone knows in my last
job I took a jolly rogering over everything that went wrong with that
place. So, if we know we had lots of
stress and we are morbidly obese then don’t we have essential figured out?
I know I have acid reflux.
I have battled acid most of my adult life. So why can’t we just call it that, Acid? Acid doesn’t sound too bad does it? No no no, though we have to call it
GERD. And well GERD just sounds so
bad. It sounds like my limbs are going
to start falling off or something. I don’t
know. I just don’t like it.
As a matter of fact I hate all three. I hate being a fat, high blood pressure
having, acid bomb. I wish I could sit
here and say, you know we are going to change it. However, I wonder if we ever are. Every morning when I get up, I think about
eating. Hungry or not. Fully tummy or not, I just want to eat. Two bagel, bacon, and egg sandwiches later, I
have done it. If I am feeling really lazy,
I will get McDonalds, so I don’t have to get out of the car. Some mornings, I make it out of San Jose
without eating, and I drink the proper Smoothie, I have made for myself. Those mornings are few and far between. I am just not feeling right now. Perhaps this cold took more out of me than I
realized. Maybe those nights laying bed
stoned to the balls on cough syrup changed me and took away my gift of hope,
b/c I don’t see a lot right now. Then
again, they do say it is always darkest before a dawn. So maybe this is just the blackest part of
night and it will pass with the rising of a new sun.
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