Not Alone…

Not Alone…

“He is but one man. One man alone cannot fight the future.”
- Strughold, X-Files (Movie)


I think Strughold had it right.  I think it what he said was true.  I don’t think one man alone can fight the future.  I know I have tried.  I have tried to do this my own way.  I wanted to lose weight by eating cheeseburgers, French fries, and not listening to a god damned word anyone else had to say.  I was one man, and I had a plan, to prove everyone who has given up on me wrong, that I could do and do it my way.  I think I heard somewhere that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over the same way and expecting a different result. I didn’t want to change my life.  I don’t want to take responsibility for it.  However, like all things in our lives we are the only ones to be held responsibility.  We are the ones that must decide what to do in the time we are in this time and place.  Everything I was scared of growing up has come true: being really fat, being that man eating alone in a restaurant, who looked so sad, and being adrift and losing my way.  

Wait.  I don’t accept that.  I don’t accept that I am alone.  I am not alone.  I am pretty far from it.  I have lots of people in my live that I make difference to.  That was the point of this blog, but I got a call, got on a different subject and the moment was gone.  I am not one man fighting for my future alone.  I am a man who has tons of people in his life that love him and will support him.  I have so many Friends, family, and co-workers that will stand with me and who reject this version of me and who will go with me to the very end.

One I have exactly 19 days left in my 38th year.   And as an old friend told me on Saturday morning in January, 2014 is going to be my year.  I think she was right.  I have come so far.  I have taken the blinders off.  I have found a job I love, and a boss who respects what I bring to the table.  As I have said I have surrounded myself with people who love me.

The time is now.  19 days from being 39.  384 days till I am forty and I know now, that I won’t accomplish one of my biggest dreams before I am 40, but that is ok, because I will be on the path.  Next Saturday I will attend my weight watchers meeting and I will be better when I get on the scale next week than I am today.  I will succeed.   It is my time now.  Time to finish what we started.  Time to go on the offensive in this war.  I can and will do this.

I see it in the distance.  I see it getting closer all the time.  It is my mission, my goal, my life, my Tower.  Yes, my tower.  I will get to my tower.  I will be the man I was born to be.

I am in this time and this place to learn something.  Perhaps it is to learn how to be perseverant.  To never give up.  I haven’t.  I won’t.  My TOWER is closer, and when I get there I won’t be alone, because one man is no man, I will get there with a little bit of help from the people that love me.  This is my task.  My job.  My weight is my ring, I both love and hate it, as I have both loved and hated myself.  I do this because it is what is best for me.  I do this so I can have the life I want.  However, when I am down.  I will turn to those who love me to pick me up.  When I win, I will brag to them.  When I lose, I be rallied by their encouragement.  I am one man, and one man alone cannot fight the future.