Dances with Lycans (Stick with it is will make you smile)

Dances with Lycans

“Fucking Lycans!”

-          Billy b, Mad Blogger and friend of Animals and inspiration to all

“I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walkin' through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was lookin' for the place called Lee Ho Fooks
Gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein”

-          Warren Zevon, Werewolves of London

A definition Lycan:  A werewolf, also known as a lycanthrope (from the Greek λυκάνθρωπος: λύκος, lykos, "wolf", and ἄνθρωπος, anthrōpos, "man"), is a mythological or folkloric human with the ability to shapeshift into a wolf or a therianthropichybrid wolf-like creature, either purposely or after being placed under a curse or affliction (e.g. via a bite or scratch from another werewolf). Early sources for belief in lycanthropy are Petronius and Gervase of Tilbury.  This phenomenon is also referred to as lycanthropy, for the Greek lykoi (wolf) and anthropos (man).

 

 

It’s the moon.  It always starts with the moon.  I don’t know what it about the moon, but I know it has to do with the moon.  They say under a full moon a cursed man can turn from his human form to a werewolf, or as I have so often called them a weirdwolf, or as they are known now a Lycan.  Fucking Lycans!  I won’t sit here and debate with the naysayers that a Lycan isn’t a werewolf, because well, I think that is just stupid.  Man turns to wolf and then turns back = werewolf, see, my logic is simple.  I tell you this because yesterday was very surreal and it all started with my drive to work, the bad moon that was going down, and yes “Fucking Lycans!” 

There was something about the moon that bothered me on my drive into work yesterday.  I wouldn’t know until later that there was a lunar eclipse.  Not until I started to do research on moon, the cycle, and lycan.  The moon look ominous and evil to me and it was full and bold as any moon I had seen.  Each time I peaked at outside my driver’s side window I got a little chill.  I know that moon cold only mean one thing.  That Lycans are afoot.  The closer I got to work and looking around at the darkness that surrounded me, I started ask myself questions.  Questions that would need answering, yes, questions that needed answering.    First and foremost is when exactly do weirdwolves change back to men?  Is it at the first crack of dawn?  Is it when the moon goes down?  Daybreak? Etc…  I find this to be very important because like I said it was very dark on the ride up to Pleasanton and I would have to walk from my car to the office and well, I will be honest, I am scared of “Fucking Lycans!”

The moon really got to me when I turned on to Stoneridge Drive.  I mean it seemed close enough to touch, but it looked so evil I didn’t want to touch it.  I had spent the better part of the last 40 minutes thinking about the lycan and now I was almost to the parking lot and I had no idea if it would be save to cross the parking lot.  I mean after all, what if the Fucking Lycans got me?

I park Snowflake, yes my car is named Snowflake, what of it and I climb out of my car.  Honestly, I had freaked myself out so much thinking about werewolves I am honestly surprised I didn’t run into the office and say fuck plugging in my car.  Then again, I will be goddamned if I have to use gas, then what is the point of having a car that can run on electricity I ask?  At least the parking lot was completely empty.  So I felt the chances of getting eaten were slime.  So, I go to plug in Snowflake, but everything goes wrong.  First, I to plug her in and I notice I forgot to pop the charger door.  So, I have to rummage in all six of my pockets to see where I dropped the keys so I can pop her.  Then I drop the freaking charger and I have to bend over and pick it up.  I think to myself, you know if this was a weirdwolf movie this is when I would get eaten.  So I snap up so fast that I drop the fucking charger again.  I told myself to get a grip.  I tried.  However, when I plugged in my car and started to hurry to the office door, I noticed that the charger didn’t take.  It said no car.  For some reason there is this one charger down there that just doesn’t’ like Flake and try to electric block her all the time.  So, I try again.  Nope, doesn’t take.  I pull it out.  I wait a few seconds and it doesn’t take.  As I am doing this I am also scanning the parking lot, yes for lycans.  In the distance I see a shape and I about shit myself, I know I am fucked now.  So, right before I was about to give up, and run in, I tried one last time and it finally took.  There is nothing like building your own suspense right? Fucking Lycans! 

At this point the shape starts to take form and it is a women.  However, Lycans don’t discriminate. I know most of the famous werewolves are men; however, they can just as easily be girls.  So, I do my best race walk towards the building.  For some reason this is the thought that pops into my head.  If I turn this corner and there is a pack of wolves standing there, then I will be scared.  I mean some people believe that the shift is to a complete wolf replica.  I don’t.  I think that they turn into what I call “Knuckle Draggers”.  What is a Knuckle Dragger you say?  Ever seen Underworld or American Werewolf in Paris?  That is a Knuckle Dragger.  They are big.  They are hairy, they have wolf snouts, but they look like a cross between a Silver back, something out of a nightmare, and a wolf.  They have huge power font arms and shorter back legs.  They have huge claws to slash and hold you with.  Their teeth are like razors.  They are fucking scary things.  I call them Knuckle Draggers because they are mostly up right, but have to balance themselves with their arms.  In order to do this they actually put wait what is left of their knuckles and not on the finger tips because the finger tips have huge scary claws on them and basically, they would break and that would not be good.  Anyway, back to the thought I had, is that I would be scared if I turn this corner and there is a pack of wolves, but I will be scared shitless and curl up in a ball and cry if I turn this corner and I see a pack of Knuckle Draggers.  I am happy to report that I saw neither.  However the woman was getting ever close to me.   Why was she moving so fast?  Why was she following me?  What if she gets me?  I can’t die yet.  The world needs me!  Something tells me I have important work to do.  Fucking Lycans! 

As I inch closer and closer to the door, I start thinking I just have to get inside because if I get inside, she can’t come in.  Lycans can’t come in uninvited.  I pick up my pace.  I can see her in the glass now.  I get a little fast when it hits me like a kick to the ball sactual.   It’s not Lycans that can’t come in uninvited, that is VAMPIRES!  OH FUCK, I am screwed now she is going to bust thru the glass and get me.  I have to get all the way to the 5^th floor and find some silver.  I think for a moment wait, I have some silver around my neck, no wait that is most likely fake.  Fucking Lycans! 

As I reach the door, I notice she is closer.  However, she is also peeling off and heading to the other building.  Oh thank the old gods and the new.  I go inside.  More relaxed now.  I am like ok, I am inside now.  All should be ok.  However, at this point I make a b-line for the bathroom.  All this lycan excitement (plus two cups of coffee, two liters of water, and a smoothie) makes you have to make pee pee.  So, I open the door and walk in and I stop dead and whimper and I am pretty sure a little pee pee came out too.  Standing in front of me was a fucking big hairy Lycan!  No wait, he wasn’t a lycan, no, he was a man.  A pastry chef by the looks of him from the restaurant in the office building, but damn he was hairy.  Mean looking too.  Then again if someone looked and me took a step back, had the fear of the gods in his face, and whimpered after setting eyes on me, I would probably look mean too.  He asked me if he could get around me so he could go to work.  I said yes, but I never took my eyes off him as he walked out.  He was really, really hairy!  Fucking Lycans!

Later… Driving home, I looked out at the night sky and I saw another moon that looked full.  It was not completely full.  It was only 95% full and I wondered to myself what is the true cycle of the werewolf?  I literally contemplated this the entire way home.  I googled it and came up with nothing, but it was different in different mythos.  So did what I always do at these time, I turn to some information I got from some old friends Sammy and Dean of Supernatural.   I mean who would know better.  So, I pulled down there journal on monsters I had acquired and I searched.  They aren’t sure of the cycle and if they don’t know I wonder if any us really know.  It remains a mystery I guess.  You read this you must wonder do I really believe in Lycans and Vampires, and I say yes, 100% I do.  A lot of that is because I believe in the power of evolution.  Mainly though it is because I believe in my heart of hearts there are other worlds than these, and these myths and legends had to come from somewhere.  I believe they came from other worlds.  I believe the worlds are separated not by space, but walls, and plains of existence.  The walls of our world are thin.  Every day the ongoing carnage of our world weakens those walls.  It makes them ever so thin, and things get to cross over.  The more and more we plunge head first into chaos, the more and more crossing over there will be.  I have had a thought with me since I was a boy that a werewolf killed my best friend.  I have no idea where this came from.  Some say an over active imagination.   I think it happened to a version of me on another plan of existence.  However, I do hope if I ever meet a werewolf it is one from a plan of existence far and further away from ours.  Were they are civilized, like the one in Mr. Zevon’s song.  I would love to sit down with him over a huge bowl of Chow Mein and discuss the cycle of the weirdwolf.  For now though, I am working on my silver collection just in case.  Fucking Lycans!