The Week that was...

 

I can’t remember if I started any blogs this week.  I honestly think I did but can’t be 100% certain.  I have two minds right now.  The one that is as gray and gloomy as the weather outside is frightful.  The other one, it is the one that is starting to believe that we are moving on. 

I also have been a writer’s block settling over me right now.  My creativity levels are low.  What is especially strange about that is that I am listening to King right now and the master always makes me more inspired not less. 

Perhaps, overall I am currently feeling unappreciated. I feel like I have worked really hard, but sometimes wonder if others even notice.  I am also being a brat, and not appreciating that which I have been given.  Too much time this week has been spent being ungrateful.  Not just accepting of things as they are.  Not just being grateful for the little bit that is there for me.

What is different about this week of semi-self-loathing is it has been a great week for me personally.  I had walked every day for 7 straight days.  The streak ended yesterday and that was two parts rain, and 1 part being worn out.  However, that is ok.  My goal is to walk and moved 3-4 times a week.  I think we covered that.  Weather permitting I will walk today when I move Flakie. 

More importantly, I have been off the wheat and sugar since Saturday.   I have been living and embracing the paleo lifestyle and you know what I think it suits me.  Paleo Chili tastes good.  Meat in general tastes good.  The food I ordered the meat is great!  I enjoy that too.  The veggies on the other hand not so much.  I don’t think I will be ordering from Pre-made Paleo again, more so because I think I can make the meat better myself, but also this weekend I was struck by inspiration to cook.  I am going to pull the pork tomorrow.  I am going to do a brisket too.  I am going dual crock pots baby!  I think I finally see there is a way to eat good foods and lose weight. 

I even have logged all my meals since Monday.  I even have them printed out to review with Dr. Michelle tonight.  I have been averaging 2800 calories a day for the last 7 days (Sunday and Monday I didn’t log but I only ate the pre-made paleo and that is like 2k per day).   I am not even angry or mad that I have to log.  I find myself wanting to log. 

Something changed in me on Friday when I met Alethea, the lady who has had success on OA.  For the first time in a very, very long time I didn’t feel alone about my demons.  Look, I have not been a lone for a very long time. I know that.  I have a great support group.  However, when you are in the grip of addiction, you don’t want to listen, or you don’t listen, until you are good and ready to.  It is the same with depression.  You hear what you want to hear, and listen when you are ready.  As I said a light just flipped in my on Friday.  Talking to her I felt safe.  I have tried to sit down and write that several time this week, I just have not been able too. Talking to her just felt right and good.  The knowledge that I am not alone makes me feel good. 

This was a good week.  Next week, the week of the Turkey will be good as well. I have ordered my meal.  I got a 3 meat family pack from Dickies for the meat, the Paleo Sides from Whole Foods.  We are going to have quite the little Gobble Gobble Day.   What is better than watching some old movies, eating until we are full, and sleeping all day?  Perhaps we will even get a walk in there; no I think I will get a walk in there.         

Well happy Friday!