It has to start somewhere It has to start sometime. What better place than here, what better time than now?

"It has to start somewhere It has to start sometime.  What better place than here, what better time than now?"  Guerrilla Radio, Rage Against the Machine

Sometimes, I sit at my desk and just wonder, what in the fuck is wrong with the world?  Russia has tripled flights and testing near NATO countries this year.   China has launched a first strike nuclear sub.  A man has put on a snake proof suite and had himself filmed getting eaten an anaconda.     I mean seriously what the fuck.  There is a reason I normally stay away from the news and it is because the surrounding world can be a very scary place.   Then again who knows perhaps I am getting only one side of the story.  It doesn’t really matter anyway.  I am not here to talk about another man’s war, or his weapons and tests to fight it.  I am also, not hear to talk about a giant man eating anaconda, b/c snakes are gross, they just like spiders are the lowest life form on the fact of the planet, and they should be beaten with sticks at any possible chance given.  My last encounter with a live snake was in 98 and I rand that son of a bitch over with the riding lawn mower.  Now grant it I was in a bad place at the time, and was convinced that snake was a demon, but that is a story for another day. 

I am here because once again I am at a new start.  It is Monday, a new week, with a new mission, just follow Paleo for one week.  Just one that is all I can ask of myself at this point.  I feel like I am at the bitter end.  I feel like I have no where left to run.  No place left to hide.  My body is failing me.  My back hurts, my hips hurt, my knees hurt, and my stomach hurts.  Everything hurts. 

Worst, I think I am starting to lose faith.  I am starting to lose the faith in the fact that I can actually make a change.  That Jeans in Jan 2015 is nothing more than a half-hearted rallying cry that I don’t really believe can ever happen. 

I sat on Sue’s couch last week and told her I had lost the faith.  That nothing was different this time.  That I didn’t believe.  That even taking my best friends advice to heart, that and addict is just and addict and the past doesn’t matter, that I still knew that I was not going to change.  So, what do we do?  How do we go on from here?

First, we choose exile.  Well, I am not really sure it is exile when you are living at your home and going to your job every day?  Is it?  No, exile isn’t the right word but it works.  I choose not to travel for the next three months, sorry Star Wars Half Marathon, you are out.  Sorry Mexico with the family, you are out.  This year the holidays will have to be spent in California, with me working on me.  Scratching and fighting to get better.  I need three months in which, I can take control, and manage my life.  Get into a routine that works for me with my new job, and new goals. 

Second, we choose a meal plan.  It was easy for me to choose paleo.  One it makes sense.  It is our natural human diet.  People can say it is just latest fad, but seriously, a diet that consists of meat and veggies sounds pretty good to me.  I am a meat eater.  Eating meat makes me happy.  Eating bread, and sugar makes me tired, lethargic and makes me feel bad. 

Third, we make things super simple.  I have struggled since Tyson took the gym route; however, I understand he has to do what he has to do. However, I was struggling when he was cooking too.  The thought of working a 60 hour a week job, working out once a day, and then making my meals on top of that doesn’t sound like an easy plan.  It sounds like too much at once to me.  Therefore, I have decide to have my food ordered in for the next two weeks, and if it is good, maybe longer: http://premadepaleo.com/   seems to have some good looking stuff on their site, I have an order in so we will see tomorrow.  If it tastes good, it is going to work. 

Four, 20 minutes a day.  I can move for 20 minutes a day.  I can walk for 20 minutes a day.  I have taking meal planning and cooking out of my life, and therefore, I can focus on me moving for 20 minutes a day.  20 minutes.  I can do that.  I know I can.  20 minutes.  I got that.

Five, believe.  My mind is a rat trap.  It is full of perpetual pitfalls and wrong turns but only because I let it.  I have to get back too looking at the boy in the green shirt.  Or looking at the kid in the blue fleece and khaki’s in Germany.  I have to focus on the good positive life being healthy will bring me.  I have to re-write years of self-loathing and doubt.  I can do this. I will do this.  I have to remember that moving forward is accomplished one step at a time.  I didn’t get to be 460 pounds over night; it won’t come off over night.  I can do this. I will do this.  If the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve. 

So here is to the last new beginning.  Here is to my fight.  Here is to victory and moving forward.  I am ready to rock!