Page 14

 

 

 Book of 2016

- Page14-

 

 

Slow, but surely I am making small changes. One thing I started doing this week, which, I know is going to sound really stupid. I have a terrible time getting home each night.  I leave the office with the best of intentions.  However, a lot of nights in between Dublin and San Jose I talk myself out of getting home and eating what I cooked and hitting the drive thru.  Most of the time I talk myself into going to the drive thru instead of a whole foods, or a trader joe's it is b/c I don't want to get out of my car.  So, what I what I started to do so I can't go thru the drive thru is put my wallet in my work bag.  I then put the bag in the back of the car so I can't reach it from the driver seat.  That way I can't go to the drive thru, b/c i can't get to my wallet and thus an eating debacle is avoided and now I realize how bad this blog is.  It is a good technique but one that should probably be kept to myself.  Anyway.. that is day 14 in a nut shell.

Page 13

 

 

 Book of 2016

- Page13-

 

It is tough to change your mindset.  Sometimes things hurt even when you don't want them too.  Sometimes even when you get recognition, it is not always enough.  Sometimes, we just can't help but to buy into the bitter. 

The question has to be and become do you want to buy into it? Do you want to walk around being a grumpy Gus, that no-one can talk to for days because you are putting up walls.  Its really not cool when you do that to people you have been in the trenches with for a long.  People see it and feel it.  They know something is bothering you but you are all to happy to turn your head and say it is nothing, but to go down further and further into your own pit of angry and bitterness. 

So, that was one of the central topics of my visit to see Sue today.  It was one of the things I have been trying to find out how to do.  How do you not accept the negative and only work on and accept the positive aspects of your life?  How do you stay focused on the good things you have going when every part of your body wants to pull you into the blackness of your own mind and heart?

I don't know the answers.  I wish I did, but I don't.  No one can flip that switch for your.  No advice can push you into making the changes you want to make or say you want to make.  All the therapy in the world hasn't made me any thinner.  I know I have been to and missed a lot of sessions over the years. 

I go back to how I was successful in the summer of 2003 and the winter of 2015 and I noted a few things that pushed me forward. The first was finding fellowship.  In 2003 it was a weight watchers meeting at work.  i made some really good friends in that class.  I wonder if some folks even remember that?  Then last year it was this blog.  Me sharing things and what I was doing good for myself helped me achieve what I wanted.  The other thing was always find a positive path.  Focusing on the good things i I was doing and not letting the bad wash over me and take control.  More than anything I think it is really the positive state of mind and the feeling that i had about myself that pushed further than any food I was or was not eating, any meetings, I did or did not attend, etc etc... When you love yourself and want to do good things for yourself you take care of yourself.  

I have been trying lately to fill myself with more good than bad.  It is not always easy. I have looked at old photos and said that is where and how I want to be again.  I have meditated on this.  I go to bed with positive images of myself living the life I want to lead.  I am hungry for articles on self help and little sayings on facebook and the world wide web to find things to help me move towards the light. 

 

Think Positive!  Be Positive! And Positive Thing will Happen!

Page 12

 

 

Book of 2016

- Page12-

 

 

Sometimes in my mind it is hard to remember a good day from a bad day.  Part of me wants to be bitter and be angry and let everyone around me know it.  I want them to feel the pain and disappointment I feel.  Even on good days there is some aspect of this anger and bitterness.  However, I don't want to be that bitter person.  I don't want to be someone who people don't want to be around if everything isn't perfect.  I don't want people to be like or stay away from Billy b today b/c he i sin one of his moods.  I have worked to hard and to long for that.  So, how do I do it.  How do I change the mindset.  How do I attract more good things to me by giving off positive energy.  I have long known I need to change my approach to change the outcomes.   I need to harness the positives and forget the negatives and use the disappointments to help motivate myself to accomplish my goals.  It has long been time for a change.  I have to accept who I am and what I do.  I have focus on being the person I want to be.  

As of today I accept myself. 

Good things deserve to happen to me. 

I am the creation of my own positive energy.

I deserve this.  

Push on.  Push forward and don't let go and don't stop.  

Never stop believing in what you want or your dream and build a positive state of mind, to build the life you want. 

Page 11

 

 

Book of 2016

- Page11-

 

Watching the National Title Game.  Roll Tide Roll!  All though it is hard not to root for Dabo and the Tigers.  I am actually ok with any winner all though since I believe Saban is the best college coach of our time.  So I am going to lean Tide, but they are going to work for it.

 

I was still feeling like crap today.  So I worked from home.  However, it was a really productive day and evening.  

We started with making some Chili on my lunch break.  Start with a hunk of chili meat from Lunardi's.

Brown that meat......

Add some veggies... carrots, onions, celery. 

 then add some spices and diced tomatoes. 

Then add a little Sun dried tomato action in there. 

 Then Bam we have chili!!

However it is the National Title Game, so with El Beav coming over for the game, I had to get a little creative.  So, I made some Paleo Chicken Fingers. 

 

They might not look like much, but they have it where it counts!  

I also made an ommie and bacon for brunch.

All that being said I had a good paleo day!  tomorrow will be another good day!  I feel it. 

Page 10

Book of 2016

- Page 10 - 

Tomorrow is a new beginning.  It has to be.  This weekend hasn't gone according to the plan.  I have regressed since September. More than I want to admit,  more than I care too. I think things are like that sometimes.  However, I know I can be better, I had so much success a year ago.   I know I can find my way again.  I just have to let go.  Let go of it and move on.  Tomorrow is a new beginning and a new chapter in the Book of 2016. 

   

Page 9

Book of 2016

- Page 9 - 

 

It was a long day at the office for Shiner and I today.  I had to go in today and well I didn't want to leave her here alone.  So she went with me.  She was a big hit at the office.  She is a pretty good accountant too.  She really helped me keep things on track.  Now, she is totally wiped out. It was a long day in the office.  Lots to do, I get to do my accounting job, when I am not doing my sales job.  Help is coming so that is good.

 

The Holiday party was amazing.  It was super nice venue.  The team did a great job putting it together.  It was at the Blackhawk Auto Museum.  Such a nice place.  The food was awesome.  The music was really good as well.  I also found out that I am fortunate enough to go to Sales Club, so I am super lucky I get to go to Kawahai in February.  What a great night!  

I got an iphone 6s too, I need to set it up. 

I don't really have a lot to say today, either.  I think that is becoming a recurring theme isn't it?  Just tired.  Ready for a break.  February can't get here soon enough I guess. Tomorrow will be another day.  By monday I will be off the sugar again.  

Just have to keep flipping the pages until we get to the next chapter.  

just keep flipping away.  

  

 

 

Page 8

Book of 2016

- Page 8 -

Murder and Party

I hate my consultant David, OK, that is a lie, he has become a great buddy of my  and I really appreciate him.  However, he has gotten me in trouble twice now.  Well twice when it comes to watching TV shows.  After all it was he, who finally pushed me into TWD and a bendering I went on with that TV show.  Then All week this week it has been watch Making a Murder.  I am not kidding you every day he told me to do this.  He told me that I needed to watch this show.  Then all the sports radio people started chatting about it.  However, I am obdurate and I was not going to watch it.  So I sat down with my dinner and at 8 pm I ate and watched the TWD.  However, I couldn't get David's voice out of my head.  I couldn't stop thinking about this stupid show.  

And so another bender started... at least I was able to limit it to four hours.  If you call that a limit. I watched 4 episodes and ate a bag and a half of sunflower seeds.  My mouth is raw as fuck!

Why not formal dinner tonight for the holiday party at the company and I have stains all over my shirt.  It really has been a shitty 48 hours and I am in the office again and will it won't get better tomorrow.  there will be light at the end of the tunnel.  there has to be right.  I am excited about the party tonight, but I am really tired. However, b/c my sweater appears to be ruined I am going to try and go buy a new one really quickly.  I had intended to sit her and rant and rave about how ugly I feel and how much I hate my body right now, but those can wait.  I am sure I will fill the same way tomorrow about myself as I do right now.  Right now I have to go and try to find another sweater at the big and fat store...

every page of the book isn't going to be green grass and unicorns, b/c we all have shitty days and weeks even when things are going in your directions!!