The Next Chapter…

“Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.” – Chuck, Supernatural

I once heard somewhere that endings are hard.  Well Look up above and you will know exactly where I first heard it.  I am not a writer, I am a hack.  Spinning words is a hobby of mine and I try to do it as often as I can.  It is less often these days.  I think that is because I am fairly certain I shouldn’t go over 365 blogs in my first year of blogging.  Call me crazy for that.  It is ok to call me crazy, my shrink does all the time. 

Ending are hard.  I cannot tell you how many things I have started in my life and left unfinished.  I wouldn’t know where to start.  Whether we are talking about my blog, my job, a friendship, about a girl or anything else in your life, it really doesn’t matter endings are always hard. 

For me even as hard as endings are, starting a new chapter is even harder.  I am my own worst critic.  The expectations of what I am to do in my own mind are larger than my body.  We all know that is big, big!  As the Japanese man told me in the baths at Mount Fuji “YOU, BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG and me Small!”  Add in hand motions and of his making arms wide open to about three inches apart and you will get how he did it. 

So, every day even to blog it is challenge.  I want it to be bigger and better than the day before.  Believe it or not, I take the same approach with my career.  Yes, jinkies, I have a career.   This is what I see in my mind.   I see a successful writer, who has real day job on the side.  I don’t know why that is the goal and the dream, but it is.   Dream big or don’t dream at all I always say. 

So on Monday of last week, I started a new chapter of my life.  As of Monday Billy b is no longer an accountant or even a member of a finance organization.  What I have to say about that is Monthly and Quarterly close Kiss my Shiny Metal ASS!  I took a new job on Monday working in sales operations and support.  I am working for a guy who I have grown up with at the company and have a lot of respect for.  I know that respect goes both ways.  I am so excited to get this opportunity and new path underway.

However, as happy as I am, I will miss my former team.  I love those people.  Over the last year I really have built a wonderful team.  A team that worked really well together, but also laughed a lot together.  That team will be ok.  However, it is hard watching the team you built start to function without you.  I can honestly say I love those people and I know they will continue to kick ass.  It’s a good thing for all involved.  Really it is, but that doesn’t mean it is easy.  I have been blessed over the years with amazing people working for me.  Even when I wasn’t the easiest person to work for and was running around bat shit fucking crazy.  Always, had the most amazing people there in the trenches with me, getting the job done and not to take anything away from them, but when I say the three people I am leaving behind now were the best, I mean it.  I think in a lot of ways it was because I was my best a lot in the last year.  I have moved on from so much.  I think it is because I had partners not employees.  I just think it was you had four people that just really worked well with and off each other. 

Now, I turn to a new world, a world that I will admit used to scare the shit out of me, SALES!  Trainer, coach, strategist, friend, and supporter, I will be all of these things in a new and exciting and dynamic organization.  I am not just the back in guy stamping approvals yes or no, I am actually out on the floor, making shit happen, and I really want to make it rain!  I am nervous but confident that I will get the job done. 

It is funny one day you wake up from sleeping and realize that everything you want is at your fingertips.  You see that you are in the right place, at the right time, in your life.  You see that you are exactly where you are supposed to be and you accept that. 

You also realize you have lot of things to forgive and ask forgiveness for.  You see the grudges you hold aren’t always fair.  You see the disappointments from both sides.  You realize that you are more grown up than you ever gave yourself credit for.  Also, you are wiser than you would have ever believed.  There are few people on this earth that know themselves better than I.   I have to forgive, so I can move on.  Because it is time to move on and time to start the next chapter of my life.  I think I have spent the last year waiting for some break thru.  Waiting for something or someone to inspire me to live the life I want to live.  I call bullshit on myself for that.  The only thing keeping me from living my life is me.   The only person who can change my life is me.

For the first time in 38 years I am making my own reality.  The new job, I did that, I did that thru years of hard work and excellent service.  The ability to forgive those who have wronged me, I did that by looking through both ends of the looking glass.  The want and need to be happy is me waking up every day with a new hope!

My name is Billy b, and today I believe that the rest of my life is going to be amazing.  It is going to be amazing because I am going to make it that way.  I believe I deserve this life.  This is amazing and wonderful life.  I will only put myself in situations that make me successful.  That is the key and in this new chapter, I have done just that.  I am going to make myself successful. 

So as hard as it is to do an ending and move on to the next chapter, I think we all agree that it is time.  Time for me to make the right decisions in my life and make choices that help me be heathier and happier.  Each day is a new beginning but we are what we put into our body.  Our body is our vessel on this place and time.  It is a temple and needs to be treated as such.  Being fully awake and accepting of the life you have and the place you want to go is huge.  It is always great to know right now you are exactly where you should be.  You know that you are and will be the man you are supposed to be.